# Dysfunctional Thyroid...Dysfunctional Mama!!



## simbacat (Apr 14, 2010)

I am brand new here, and brand new to thyroid disease. I have just started to see results from my lowering TSH and am now realizing my problems may have started five years ago, when I was 23, after my second child was born...

That said, I have a 5-yr-old and 8-yr-old who are supersmart and wonderful, but they have completely run my life! I am trying to get some order back, and be a better mama, and wondered how you have coped with this? How did you restore discipline/order in your houses after getting well?? Things were completely overwhelming to me that now I want to get back on track! Anyone notice this??


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## Phoenix (Mar 20, 2010)

Hi Simbacat,

I have no children, so I don't have any advice on how to handle that situation, but I know there will be others along soon that can help you.

I'm glad you are staring to feel better. I hope that with a little time, things will get even better for you.

Welcome to the family

:hugs:

Phoenix


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## Lovlkn (Dec 20, 2009)

simbacat said:


> I am brand new here, and brand new to thyroid disease. I have just started to see results from my lowering TSH and am now realizing my problems may have started five years ago, when I was 23, after my second child was born...
> 
> That said, I have a 5-yr-old and 8-yr-old who are supersmart and wonderful, but they have completely run my life! I am trying to get some order back, and be a better mama, and wondered how you have coped with this? How did you restore discipline/order in your houses after getting well?? Things were completely overwhelming to me that now I want to get back on track! Anyone notice this??


FEAR! Your kids need to learn that YOU mean business and they need to be afraid of you - in the sense that you WILL follow through on punishment.

Take away what they love most when they do not behave or listen and do NOT give in because they become sweet soon after.

I believe in spanking and feel it was an important discipline to my children even though they rarely got spanked when they did they usually were completely out of control.

Do NOT try to be their friend - you are their Mother not their friend. They will love you regardless of the discipline but if you o not begin to teach them that you are the in charge adult they will continue to be out of control and unfortunately as good a job as I did keeping mine in control as soon as they turn 13ish it all goes to heck an they become walking out of control hormones.

Put you and your husbands relationship 1st - this is probably the most important thing to maintain a happy and satisfying marriage. When your kids grow up and leave you are left with their father and you better keep the relationship going there or else it all falls apart.

I am speaking from experience - 23 years of marriage (to a man I adore) and 2 boys age 15 and 16. I think I developed Graves after the birth of my first son and was not diagnosed until he was 7.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

simbacat said:


> I am brand new here, and brand new to thyroid disease. I have just started to see results from my lowering TSH and am now realizing my problems may have started five years ago, when I was 23, after my second child was born...
> 
> That said, I have a 5-yr-old and 8-yr-old who are supersmart and wonderful, but they have completely run my life! I am trying to get some order back, and be a better mama, and wondered how you have coped with this? How did you restore discipline/order in your houses after getting well?? Things were completely overwhelming to me that now I want to get back on track! Anyone notice this??


To add to what Lovlkn has to say which is right on; you could consider some family counseling by a professional. Chronic illness takes its toll on family relationships big time.

The children need to understand party time is over.:tongue0015:


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## hillaryedrn (Dec 14, 2009)

Hi there! Boy, do I know how you feel! I have one piece of advice for you and this can be incorporated with whatever kind of discipline you choose to use.

*Decide the consequences for the actions, lay them out for the children, then STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY.*

The worst thing in the world to do is say to your kids, "If you do ABC then the consequences are XYZ." then when they do ABC you say to yourself "oh well, I really don't want to enforce XYZ becuase they will hate it and I don't want them to miss out". All you are telling the kids is that you won't really do what you say you will. It will be rough for a while, but it works. Trust me!!


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## chopper (Mar 4, 2007)

I have a 6 and 3 year old and I can tell you it is much easier being a friend than it is being a parent, however, that's a no no. It's called tough love. Sucks but you have to discipline them or it ends up hurting them in the end.

You have to pick your battles in a smart way. Know what hurts them without physically hurting them of course - take away that favorite transformer toy for a week - have a time out chair and give each child 1 minute for each year of life (8 year old gets 8 minutes in time out, etc) and STICK WITH IT. If he gets up, put him back in the time out chair. If he gets up again, put him back. If he gets up 100 times, put him back 100 times. He has to know you are in control and he will no longer win. Your resolve to take back your life will go a long way and will probably surprise the hell out of them. You cannot lose it. You need to speak with them in a stern yet collected voice. If you come at them screaming like a maniac you will only scare them for a few minutes and then they will be back but if you speak with them as an authority, as an adult, in a cool, collected and stern way, you'll have positive results. Like Hillary said above, whatever you do, do not go back on your word or else you risk positively reinforcing the BAD behavior (they know mommy doesn't mean what she says).

Good luck with your little ones. My 6 year old has Asperger's so it's sort of a unique challenge and both are BOYS so they constantly want to wrestle and what not. You need to lay down the law and shy away from being their buddies. They need to learn this stuff now or else you'll have real problems when they are bigger, stronger teens.


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## peaches (Sep 29, 2009)

My husband and I believed in spanking as a last resort to punishing the children and rarely had to use it. I think letting them know what will happen before they make a choice to do something wrong is key so is the follow through on your part.

I have two extraordinary kids both of whom are very intelligent and it is a struggle sometimes to maintain order. I could see them at times weighing out the costs of whatever it was they were about to do. Satisfaction of doing something wrong versus punishment. They actually chose to do the wrong thing and suffer the consequenses sometimes. That was when they got the spankings. Taking a toy away wasn't going to work for those situations.

I now have a daughter doing quite well in college and her younger brother is a straight A freshman in high school and they both do sports. You must also help them to love each other and depend on each other because the relationship between siblings is key to how they will treat others when they are in school.

Good luck and remember consistency is key


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## Mariposa (Apr 10, 2010)

You have gotten some great info, thanks for bringing this up. I think it great for all of us parents to take time to think about things such as these.

I can understand how hard it is being a parent and being sick. Its so hard....


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## redbird2448 (Feb 28, 2010)

When my son was about 5 years old, I told him that everything he had was mine, and I could remove them from his use at any time. his bed, his bedroom door, everything. 
Once when he was being difficult about getting up and dressed for the bus, he actually was put on the bus carring his shoes. Got dressed from then on.
I also told him when he was 14, that if he ever got in trouble with the law, he was on his own. Period. He could call his friends if he wanted help in that situation.
But.. you also read to them, tuck them in, kiss them often and tell them you LOVE them
every single day. Every day.
Must have worked as he grew up just fine with no real problems.


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## zeebee75 (Apr 16, 2010)

Agreed on so many points that others have posted. My three are almost 13, 11 and 9. Last three months have been really bad for me and am seeing a small improvement after I saw the endo last week in my symptoms.

My kids have chore lists, adjusted for their ability and age and they are expected to do what little I have on there without being reminded or bedtime the next night is earlier. We don't do allowances, they'll get things on occasion and are expected to help out since they're also a part of the family....and I don't get paid for housework.

My middle one is sarcastic and tough at home (just like me) and after one episode of bad behavior a couple of weeks ago, I asked him if he knew why I was mad. He said, "Yes, mom, because you have a thyroid problem!" Wrooooong answer! Moods are definitely affected but they know even though I am having issues and may ovveract, certain things are still expected of them.

If I could things that should be absolute it's not to put up with backtalk, set the rules and stick to them. And being a working mom myself, it's also critical to have time to decompress and be by yourself!


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## hillaryedrn (Dec 14, 2009)

Just checking to see how things are going with you!


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## simbacat (Apr 14, 2010)

Wow, thanks for checking in! You are a very sweet person!

Things are going well... still have symptoms, but am much stronger physically and mentally right now than I have been. Also taking things very slow, and going with the flow. I think I was feeling myself spin out of control and trying to control my kids so much because I felt that spin. Anyway, the kids are behaving better and I'm a lot less moody. Keep lookin up


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## hillaryedrn (Dec 14, 2009)

Amen on taking things slower! Sometimes, thats just all you need. I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better!! Keep looking up! You are definitely headed in the right direction!


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## daisy_ysiad2002 (Aug 17, 2009)

I try and make them feel useful more like cleaning things up, being part of the family, everyone pitching in and learning how to communicate. Everyone has a job/part in the family and when we help each other out we get things done quicker which means we have more PLAY TIME faster and longer!!! That usually does the trick. I say..work isn't fun but we can make it fun and get it over with cause 'mommy' wants to have play time too and play hide and seek for a while!


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