# ...making future plans....



## Butterflyjkg (Nov 29, 2011)

I am new on this board and new to having a scar on my neck. I was wondering this question and it may sound stupid. I really want to know, though. My prognosis was "great". I had one tiny nodule that was .8cm and papillary and removed along with both sides of my thyroid back on Oct. 18. I am told to "MOVE ON" and "get over it" and " you are FINE, LIVE YOUR LIFE."

How do I, and how do others who didn't have such a great prognosis, just " move on" and get on with life? Is it just time that makes you settle down and stop worrying and stop being afraid? Is it who you are as a person.. meaning if you are a worry wart to begin with you will always worry? Is it a cancer thing and those who have never had it don't know? What do you think?

My situation was the best it could possibly BE for cancer.. tiny and fully encapsulated and nowhere else. I keep thinking in the back of my head that they are wrong.. they missed something... and I don't know if I will ever not have a day when I don't think about it.

I am getting better with it, but I think stupid things like.. " why should I buy a new house when I might get this cancer back.. and I'm probablly going to die from it anyway.. so.." I know that we all are going to die and there are many who have cancer and worse and don't even KNOW it so we are lucky in that respect.

I know this all sounds insane. I have this little black cloud that follows me. Sometimes he's like a block away. Sometimes he catches up with me... is that cloud depression? fear? Does anyone else have the cloud I am speaking of?

If I really let myself think about it, it can really take me down a dark black road. I sometimes feel like I'm a second class citizen now.. marked and scarred for life and really not worthy. I don't always think that way but I could easily go there in the blink of an eye. Do you guys think this way? Does it get better with time? Even after all of the wonderful things that have come out of it and all of the signs that I received from a higher power I still feel that little ickiness now and then. I don't know how many signs I NEED to just accept my luck and my healing.... I sometimes feel that if I don't MOVE ON and be happy that I will have my second chance taken away or something. Oh, the things you think........


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

Butterflyjkg said:


> I am new on this board and new to having a scar on my neck. I was wondering this question and it may sound stupid. I really want to know, though. My prognosis was "great". I had one tiny nodule that was .8cm and papillary and removed along with both sides of my thyroid back on Oct. 18. I am told to "MOVE ON" and "get over it" and " you are FINE, LIVE YOUR LIFE."
> 
> How do I, and how do others who didn't have such a great prognosis, just " move on" and get on with life? Is it just time that makes you settle down and stop worrying and stop being afraid? Is it who you are as a person.. meaning if you are a worry wart to begin with you will always worry? Is it a cancer thing and those who have never had it don't know? What do you think?
> 
> ...


You are not alone; this is very scary stuff. I found counseling to be a huge help to me. After all, this is trauma!!

That said, I feel in spite of anything, one should be diligent. Insist on ultra-sound at least once a year and your tests for thyroblobulin and thyroglobulin Ab.

Thyroglobulin Ab and cancer
http://qjmed.oxfordjournals.org/content/59/2/429.full.pdf

Another Thyroglobulin and cancer
http://www.mdlinx.com/endocrinology...963/?news_id=811&newsdt=092010&subspec_id=419

The above should explain how important these lab test are periodically. AND........................you do know and does your doctor know that to prevent this in the future, TSH must be kept suppressed?

What thyroxine replacement are you on and how much? Where is your most recent TSH at?

Always trust your instincts; it you think something is up, it probably is.

Hopefully, you will go on to have quality of life. I am in favor though of you or any patient being cognizant of the responsibility to get regular and thorough check-ups in a timely manner!!










PS: You have to live somewhere so logically, you should buy the house. You are going to pay the rent out anyway etc.. You see?


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## joplin1975 (Jul 21, 2011)

We all have different ways of processing things, dealing with emotions, and working through periods of great stress. What I do/feel/think might not be helpful to you, but...if you are asking, here goes nothing...

My thyroid was a hot mess. It had spread to the lymph nodes. I guess I could fixate on the word cancer, but...I choose not to. To me, it was like a cavity or something minor that had to be taken out.

There's lots of things that influence my thinking. The first being my cousin's wife, who had almost the exact same dx and prognosis almost 20 years ago. She's doing wonderfully, has two more children (four total), and has suffered no ill effects. Then there's my best and oldest friend, who battled stage 3B ovarian cancer at 33. I can't even compare what I went through to her experience. I told her that thyroid cancer was like a trip to the spa compared to her experiences. She, too, is living life to the fullest, taking annual trips to the Caribbean to celebrate being cancer free. I look at those two and THAT'S how I want to live my life.

We can't change the cards we are dealt, but we can control how we play our hand. As soon as I let the idea of cancer take over my life, cancer's won the hand. I'm not about to let that happen. I found this on pinterst the other day and it about sums it up for me: http://whosays8isenough.org/2011/10/11/282-what-cancer-cant-do/


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## Butterflyjkg (Nov 29, 2011)

The above should explain how important these lab test are periodically. AND........................you do know and does your doctor know that to prevent this in the future, TSH must be kept suppressed?

What thyroxine replacement are you on and how much? Where is your most recent TSH at?

Always trust your instincts; it you think something is up, it probably is.

Hopefully, you will go on to have quality of life. I am in favor though of you or any patient being cognizant of the responsibility to get regular and thorough check-ups in a timely manner!!










PS: You have to live somewhere so logically, you should buy the house. You are going to pay the rent out anyway etc.. You see?[/QUOTE]

Like I said, I don't know very much about all these tests but I do know that my latest TSH is .54 . I haven't even gone to an ENDO yet.. that is on Dec 23. My PTH level is 21. They tell me my levels are great.. and just let it go at that. I feel pretty good.. except for that black cloud that follows me.. I think that is depression.

My TSH before my surgery was 3.08.. so I am very low right now. Will your levels just change for no reason or do they stay where they are? Is medication or recurrance the only thing that would make it go way high? Like I said.. NEWBIE!!!!!!!!!!


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

Butterflyjkg said:


> The above should explain how important these lab test are periodically. AND........................you do know and does your doctor know that to prevent this in the future, TSH must be kept suppressed?
> 
> What thyroxine replacement are you on and how much? Where is your most recent TSH at?
> 
> ...


 Like I said, I don't know very much about all these tests but I do know that my latest TSH is .54 . I haven't even gone to an ENDO yet.. that is on Dec 23. My PTH level is 21. They tell me my levels are great.. and just let it go at that. I feel pretty good.. except for that black cloud that follows me.. I think that is depression.

My TSH before my surgery was 3.08.. so I am very low right now. Will your levels just change for no reason or do they stay where they are? Is medication or recurrance the only thing that would make it go way high? Like I said.. NEWBIE!!!!!!!!!![/QUOTE]

So..........you are not on any replacement med yet? You will have to let us know how your endo visit goes!

Yes; it is important to always keep your TSH very very low. Where it is at right now is good or maybe even a little lower.

If you are not yet on thyroxine replacement, that alone can have you in a bad place re depression.

These tests are important. You cannot always guage things by TSH alone.

Free T3 and Free T4 are the only accurate measurement of the actual active thyroid hormone levels in the body. This is the hormone that is actually free and exerting effect on the cells. These are the thyroid hormones that count.

http://www.drlam.com/articles/hypothyroidism.asp?page=3

You need the proper amount of Free T3 for a healthy limbic system as well.


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

butterfly, bless your heart! This is all very fresh for you, so it's understandable that you're struggling, but I want to echo what joplin said above. You have the power to redirect your thoughts away from that dark place and bring them back into the positive, and you must do so, or those dark thoughts (and the cancer) will win. You can't let the cancer win.

Let me offer another way to look at your situation... you have been given a gift of an easy-to-cure cancer, at an early stage. It was caught and removed. You now have the opportunity some people don't have, the opportunity to continue to live your life to the fullest. Take that opportunity.

Two years from now, five years from now, ten years from now, you will look back on this period of time and see a little hiccup, a blip on the screen of your life. That's all it will be IF you choose to overpower those negative thoughts. As Andros suggests, you may indeed benefit from counseling so you can get all of these thoughts out, in your effort to move on. But you do need to make that effort to move on and LIVE your life.

I agree that the people who are telling you to just move on don't understand that it can be difficult. While I did not have the dark thoughts you are describing, for about 6 months, I was super-paranoid about the cancer still being there...there was really no doubt in my mind. (My surgeries were in February and March of this year.) Any pain, any wierd sensory perceptions, anything at all in my neck made me think about the cancer. I finally had to just let it go and make a decision to live my life as if the cancer is not there (and odds are it is not there) and if my 12-month scan says otherwise, I'll deal with it then.

You are alive. Live.


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