# If its not me its him....................



## oceanmist

Ok another question in regards to my husband. We have been married for 32 years and the reason why I married him was because he was quiet. I had a tough childhood and wanted peace and quiet he was the perfect man until the last few years and was diagnosed this summer with Graves. We have always gotten along ............TILL NOW!!!!

He is argumentive....he says one thing and I do it and then a week later he says he didn't say that. He says one thing then changes his mind somewhere along the way and doesn't remember we already talked about it. There is no point in arguing about it cause I know what he said, plus I'm not feeling well myself....I just want peace and quiet!!!!!!!!! Seriously he is driving me crazy!

Is this normal with someone with graves? His meds I thought were working at least with the phyical end of it but he is getting worse on the mental side.............He yells over NOTHING IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oops now I'm yelling....lol

Tired and Exhausted
Ocean


----------



## oceanmist

I just noticed "emotional and mental issues" below me in the post....So I'm not alone ...I took a quick look but it doesn't look like anyone is losing their husband over it....lol.

He is going to see his doctor in early December what meds would be the right ones to calm his mood?
Ocean


----------



## lavender

You may already know this if you read the other thread. I had horrible anger issues when my Graves started acting up. My co-worker even gave my new personality a new name! I honestly had no idea how unreasonable I was being, and then when I finally saw it, I felt powerless to change the behavior.

I took methimazole, which did make me eurothyroid, but it did not help my moods. Propranolol helped with my heart racing and palpitations, but did not stop them completely (and I was on a really high does). I was up and down and all over the place. I am not sure what to tell you as far as meds because they were not a good solution for me. One thing would be to find out what his thyroid levels are, and adjust his meds accordingly. Ultimately, he will have to decide if this is an acceptable long term solution or if surgery/RAI would be a better choice.

Surgery has helped with my moods a whole lot. I feel like myself again, and most of my friends agree. It has however brought other issues like extreme exhaustion.

I imagine things must be pretty rough for you right now. I feel bad for the people who have been on the other side of my anger. I was really not myself!


----------



## oceanmist

Thanks Lavender, I can't imagine what you went through and yet I can in some ways.....I swear one day they will find out I'm hyperthyroid. The only differance is no matter how mad I get I can never attack anyone verbally....
I'm trying....I keep on thinking to myself he's sick...but really how far can a person go with this.....
Does no one else relate? Is there old posts on this subject somewhere?

Ocean...


----------



## GD Women

*Graves' Rage*
Emotional changes in Graves' disease are primarily caused by the effects of excess thyroid hormone on thyroid receptors in the brain. Emotional disturbances may also result from nutrient deficiencies and exhaustion. Compounding the problem, stress causes endocrine and immune system changes, which exacerbate symptoms in autoimmune thyroid disease. In most patients who present with depression or anxiety associated with hyperthyroidism without other psychiatric history, psychiatric symptoms usually resolve with treatment (correct thyroid levels) of the hyperthyroidism.

Anxiety is one of the most common symptoms of hyperthyroidism, closely followed by nervousness and irritability. In severe instances these symptoms can escalate to a condition of Anxiety is one of the most common symptoms of hyperthyroidism, closely followed by nervousness and irritability. In severe instances these symptoms can escalate to a condition of Graves' Rage

Common mental and emotional symptoms of hyperthyroidism can include: Severe anxiety, stress, and tension - Rapid mood swings - Irritability - Marked impatience - Hyperactivity and restlessness - Periods of fluctuating anxiety and depression

*Myxedema psychosis or Myxedema madness*
A chronically under-active thyroid can lead to slowly progressive dementia, delirium, and in extreme cases to hallucinations, coma, or psychosis

Common mental and emotional symptoms of hypothyroidism can include:

A feeling of mental fogginess and slowed thinking 
Loss of motivation and enthusiasm 
Difficulty with short- and long-term memory 
A decline in analytical ability and comprehension 
Hopelessness and depression 
Paranoid thought patterns 
In severe cases, confusion and disorientation 
Is he willing to take antidepressants just for the period of time to help him get through this stage of thyroid disease.

Believe me I have been there and still am. I am at the stage of anxiety medication after going through the antidepressant stage. I don't trust my emotions without them even though I take them on an as need bases - they go every where with me.

It is no picnic on our sides either! Believe me!!

He can't help it - its uncontrollable.


----------



## lavender

Thanks for this post GD woman! this info is very helpful. I can't tell you how many times my endo has denied that my mood issues had anything to do with my thyroid! It was so frustrating. This board has helped me to see that I am not alone, and that I am not totally nuts!


----------



## oceanmist

I don't think anyone is nuts on here including my huband....on that note I said he is driving me crazy. He's making me second guess myself, I almost need to take notes when I talk to him so I can show him the proof. I have been my husbands biggest supporter and only supporter. I know its not easy on his side of the fence.......but is sure as heck isn't easy on this side either...like I said I'm not well either for what ever reason............. 
Almost need a support group on how to handle these moods. Is there others out there that are struggling with there spouses?.....or is everyone divorced?......just adding a little humour on a very sad situation......


----------



## Guest

I have issues like this with my husband of 30 years. He is having some of the same issues. His not due to Graves/Thyroid though.

He had a heart attack last year at age 49 and it has really changed him in alot of ways. He was always very easy going, very lovable and likeable but alot has changed. He tends to forget things he said or was told by me & others, but yet I get blamed for it & told I never said that or did that. He used to never get upset about things or it least it took alot to get him upset, now everything seems to p*ss him off or aggravate him.

I was told that his meds and dealing with having a heart attack,now having heart damage and still having heart problems is hard for a man to handle and deal with. I know this is true since his heart attack his personality and ways has really been affected.

At times I think our marriage is at an end because of both of our health problems but I try to take some time to myself and reason for both of us, or get on my computer and ignore him.

Good Luck and Hang in there!

Kay


----------



## GD Women

oceanmist said:


> I know its not easy on his side of the fence.......but is sure as heck isn't easy on this side either...like I said I'm not well either for what ever reason.............


Well then, maybe you need the antideprssants or the "I don't give a damn pill" and believe me you won't


----------



## GD Women

lavender said:


> . This board has helped me to see that I am not alone, and that I am not totally nuts!


No! You are not nuts! Its just this crazy thyroid.

Your Endo needs to keep up with medical journals.

Perhaps you should run off copies of the below information and give it to him tro read. You can teach him a thing or two. 

Scroll approx. half way down under Endocrine Disorders
*Mental Disorders Secondary to General Medical Conditions*http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/294131-overview

*Stress and thyroid autoimmunity*
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15650357

*Psychiatric symptoms in endocrine diseases. * 
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3983024?dopt=Abstract

*Graves' Rage*http://www.suite101.com/lesson.cfm/19330/2904/6


----------



## Andros

oceanmist said:


> I don't think anyone is nuts on here including my huband....on that note I said he is driving me crazy. He's making me second guess myself, I almost need to take notes when I talk to him so I can show him the proof. I have been my husbands biggest supporter and only supporter. I know its not easy on his side of the fence.......but is sure as heck isn't easy on this side either...like I said I'm not well either for what ever reason.............
> Almost need a support group on how to handle these moods. Is there others out there that are struggling with there spouses?.....or is everyone divorced?......just adding a little humour on a very sad situation......


Thank God my husband has no health issues but we almost ended our marriage anyway. Graves' did a number on my brain for sure. I was very angry, snappy, non-compliant..........you name it.

Fortunately before things got too bad, I sought out the services of a professional licensed counselor. Best money I ever spent.

Having your life turned upside down by illness is a life-changing event to the max.


----------



## oceanmist

I talked to him about it last night. He was very quiet after...I told him its one thing to have an arugment with someone who is yelling back at you, but in the last while it's been a one sided fight! I told him he has Grave's Rage ...he didn't like it, but he went to bed thinking about it. I told him he doesn't even know he's doing it or how bad it is. I also told him he needs to talk to his doctor when he see's her next. 
No I'm not nuts ....at least not yet. We have two adult family members that live with us and they see it but don't understand the change in him. Thats why I came on here to find help. Its not easy and my heart goes out to anyone going through this.

Just to confirm the part where I said "I'm not well" I had a spinal cord injury years ago that doctors say I should have been a quad. I have lived with everything that comes with that every day since...
Ocean


----------



## Andros

oceanmist said:


> I talked to him about it last night. He was very quiet after...I told him its one thing to have an arugment with someone who is yelling back at you, but in the last while it's been a one sided fight! I told him he has Grave's Rage ...he didn't like it, but he went to bed thinking about it. I told him he doesn't even know he's doing it or how bad it is. I also told him he needs to talk to his doctor when he see's her next.
> No I'm not nuts ....at least not yet. We have two adult family members that live with us and they see it but don't understand the change in him. Thats why I came on here to find help. Its not easy and my heart goes out to anyone going through this.
> 
> Just to confirm the part where I said "I'm not well" I had a spinal cord injury years ago that doctors say I should have been a quad. I have lived with everything that comes with that every day since...
> Ocean


I hope hubby is seeing the doc very very soon. It may be time to have that nasty thyroid yanked!

We are here to validate you and your feelings. Being validated is the nicest feeling in the world, don't you think?

Hey, I was told I would spend the rest of my life in a wheel chair when I was only 33 years old. I have been kicking butt ever since. Got myself into a good gym, got a very healthy life-style going and here I am at 68 and very very very active physically. Still lift weights. Walk 8 miles a day most days and so on.

You are in my prayers for all good things. Fight the good fight.


----------



## GD Women

oceanmist said:


> I talked to him about it last night. He was very quiet after...I told him its one thing to have an arugment with someone who is yelling back at you, but in the last while it's been a one sided fight! I told him he has Grave's Rage ...he didn't like it, but he went to bed thinking about it...Ocean


If you haven't already, check out and run off the sites with the medical instruction name so he knows it from medicals, that I posted on Graves' Rage and have him read it for himself. Sometimes a person needs to see or read it for themselves. And please reassure him is is not crazy either but rather the disease. And that here is help with antidepressants or anxiety meds. on a temporary bases just long enough for him to get through this stage of Graves'. It doesn't have to be forever.


----------



## oceanmist

Thank you and BIG HUGS to you all...

Ocean


----------



## desrtbloom

:hugs:

Unfortunately, we folks with Graves sometimes have these issues. It is very frustrating for us as well. I take Lexapro for anxiety inconjunction with my Synthroid. It seems to really help (or at least my husband tells me it does! LOL) :winking0001:

Patti


----------



## Guest

Glad to hear that you were able to talk with him some. Hang in there, things will get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you both! Sending you Big Hugs!

Take care!

Kay


----------



## greatdanes

Ironic that I just read an article last week talking about how people( mainly undiagnosed) with graves often do irrational and knee jerk reactions such as leave a spouse after 30 yrs of marriage. We've only been married for 16, and the past few months I've questioned my love for my husband. Everything he does/did drove me crazy. If he was staring at me or breathing too heavy it had me grinding my teeth and biting my tongue. I just wanted to yell, will you STOP THAT!!!! Thankfully I know it's due to hormones, and for some reason knowing their is a reaon behind my irrational feelings make things a bit better. Maybe you can find a hobby, something to keep you busy, and or away from him for awhile. Even healthy marriages need a break from time to time. There are some days he woul volunteer for something or be gone longer than expected and I'd be like YESS, a break, lol. I know that i love him and i've apologized for being moody at times.


----------



## poohbear61

Ah please PLEASE be patient with your hubby. B4 i was diagnosed, I had already made an appt to see a psychiatrist, had no idea that all the chemicals coursing thru my body were causing the mental issues I had. Once i found out, and researched the disease, I sat my family down & explained what was going on and why i had episodes of rage/depression/elation etc. And that it was not really anything they were doing that caused this but merely a manifestation of the disease. They have been very good about ignoring my weird behavior when it occurs and "backing off' until it passes- and it always does. He also needs to acknowledge to you that it is the disease and not you that is making him this way, so he can try to control his reactions as much as he ia able, or at least apologize when he can't. So please don't take it personally when he acts odd. As far as forgetting what he said a week ago, not unusual either- i have become the sticky-note queen, my memory has become so erratic. Hang in there, darlin!


----------



## AndrewG9490

Personally, I believe that my Hypothyroidism had its fair share to do with my divorce... as-well-as a few other issues that I've had in the years since...

Both myself, and my ex-wife, were un-educated as to all of the things that this disease can bring to the table... including the mood-altering part... and my GP was of little to no help with ANY of it. Sure wish I'd known about this forum back then...

The ex saw the changes in me as me becoming more and more like my Dad... someone who lived with Mental Health issues as a result of Cancer treatments when I was very young... and not as someone facing his own medical issues...

Sad...yes... but, she was facing her own health issues (epilepsy and a neck fusion)... so, I can't blame her 100% for taking this stance... she had a lot on her plate at that time. She was stressed out... and something had to give somewhere. Unfortunately, it was our relationship...

People need to see the person AND their disease... they're inseparable... and it's not fair to see just one side...

And, I must take my share of lumps too! I wasn't anywhere near as understanding about her chronic pain as I could've been. Hind sight is truly 20/20... and I realize NOW that a little empathy goes a L-O-N-G way...

Just my .02


----------



## Andros

AndrewG9490 said:


> Personally, I believe that my Hypothyroidism had its fair share to do with my divorce... as-well-as a few other issues that I've had in the years since...
> 
> Both myself, and my ex-wife, were un-educated as to all of the things that this disease can bring to the table... including the mood-altering part... and my GP was of little to no help with ANY of it. Sure wish I'd known about this forum back then...
> 
> The ex saw the changes in me as me becoming more and more like my Dad... someone who lived with Mental Health issues as a result of Cancer treatments when I was very young... and not as someone facing his own medical issues...
> 
> Sad...yes... but, she was facing her own health issues (epilepsy and a neck fusion)... so, I can't blame her 100% for taking this stance... she had a lot on her plate at that time. She was stressed out... and something had to give somewhere. Unfortunately, it was our relationship...
> 
> People need to see the person AND their disease... they're inseparable... and it's not fair to see just one side...
> 
> And, I must take my share of lumps too! I wasn't anywhere near as understanding about her chronic pain as I could've been. Hind sight is truly 20/20... and I realize NOW that a little empathy goes a L-O-N-G way...
> 
> Just my .02


Yeah.............................and I say this with much sadness and regret. If we could only do it over again.

But.......................what we can do is learn from our mistakes.

Thanks for your forthrightness. That deserves respect.


----------



## oceanmist

Well I came back to get everyone in a better mood!!!! Now hubby is tired all the time, sleeps all the time, doesn't want to do anything, cold all the time trys to warm up to me....bur....and doesn't argue..... just like the old days..ROFLMAO I have to say I like him better this way.....

I have already posted.....he had his appointment today and in only over a month is hypo now...the moods swings are fewer, he's not clammy anymore, and things are looking UP in the bedroom wink..
On a serious note he said being hyper is as bad is being hypo he just feels sick. He informed his doctor he has chosen the surgery.
Ocean


----------



## lavender

glad to hear things are improving with your hubby. I liken Graves disease to being on Speed constantly for months at a time. It does a number to your body and emotions. thankfully, my SO lives far away and has been very understanding.


----------



## poohbear61

Ha my hubby says he can always tell when the "rocket fuel" is loaded (hyper) because I mutate from a quiet, relaxed individual into an unstoppable and irritable chatterbox.


----------



## oceanmist

lol poohbear you sound just like my hubby... One thing for sure it helps to know were not alone and that people understand, it makes this a little easier.
Thanks
Ocean


----------

