# TT consult today..... SCARED!



## skimordiegirl (Mar 10, 2011)

So I went to the consult today regarding having my thyroid removed. Apparently, even though my labs have been stable on a low dose... they still recommend that I get my thyroid removed because of the nodules and the size. It's not super super large, but it's there lol. I am so scared... I am scared that I will be so drugged up (I hate that feeling) on the meds for surgery and after. I am afraid that my already detached feeling I have had for a few years now will persist and that it is not caused by my thyroid graves, but from a different condition which also effects my vision. I have so many what if's. The surgeon is all for it and of course the Dr. is too as all of them have been. I just want to be sure this is best. I am so tired of feeling like I am living day to day with nothing to look forward to. I have a 2 year old for goodness sakes and I should be excited about that... but I can't really feel much of anything anymore. My head always hurts and the Dr's want to shove medicine at me which has only made my vision issues worse so when I refuse to take it they get mad. I feel so depressed now.... I have never felt so alone in my life. I can not imagine feeling worse than I feel now... I have read stories that sound horrible and I already feel horrible! 

Sorry for complaining so much... my husband just kind of doesn't understand anything about this. His opinion is just do it... He makes a rather good Nike commercial lol.


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

Sorry to hear about this. It is hard to hear this from your doctor. I had my second thyroid surgery 4 weeks ago today, and I feel better than I have in a long time. Try to take it easy on yourself, your answers will come to you. I'll keep you in my prayers.


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

I have two thoughts...
1. For the surgery, tell them you are VERY prone to motion sickness. I did not tell the anesthesiologist this prior to my first surgery, and I felt awful afterwards, for days. I mentioned it for my second surgery, so they did something quite different for my anesthesia, and I woke up feeling perky and overall pretty good. It was a TOTAL difference from one surgery to the next. (They only took half my thyroid the first time, the 3 weeks later took the other half because the first half showed cancer.) I don't know if you are prone to motion sickness or not (I am, so I could truthfully say it, but seriously, it made all the difference.

2. If you read many of the threads in this forum, you might see a trend... those of us who have had our thyroids removed seem to do pretty well, while those who have had no surgery or only a partial thyroidectomy still seem to struggle. Of course, that's a blanket statement, and not true for everyone, but it does seem like it may be a trend.

Keep us posted! Things will get better.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

skimordiegirl said:


> So I went to the consult today regarding having my thyroid removed. Apparently, even though my labs have been stable on a low dose... they still recommend that I get my thyroid removed because of the nodules and the size. It's not super super large, but it's there lol. I am so scared... I am scared that I will be so drugged up (I hate that feeling) on the meds for surgery and after. I am afraid that my already detached feeling I have had for a few years now will persist and that it is not caused by my thyroid graves, but from a different condition which also effects my vision. I have so many what if's. The surgeon is all for it and of course the Dr. is too as all of them have been. I just want to be sure this is best. I am so tired of feeling like I am living day to day with nothing to look forward to. I have a 2 year old for goodness sakes and I should be excited about that... but I can't really feel much of anything anymore. My head always hurts and the Dr's want to shove medicine at me which has only made my vision issues worse so when I refuse to take it they get mad. I feel so depressed now.... I have never felt so alone in my life. I can not imagine feeling worse than I feel now... I have read stories that sound horrible and I already feel horrible!
> 
> Sorry for complaining so much... my husband just kind of doesn't understand anything about this. His opinion is just do it... He makes a rather good Nike commercial lol.


I read your post and started crying. I'm still crying so hard I can barely type but I feel so much like you do. I feel detached from everything and everybody. My vision is just about to drive me stark raving mad. I don't really have many headaches but I do feel depressed and guilty because I feel so detached. And, I'm so irritable I can barely stand myself. I asked my husband how he tolerates my behavior and he said because he loves me. He must!

I, too, worry that surgery won't make anything improve. I find myself constantly trying to pinpoint the time when I started feeling so horrible? I try to remember holidays or special occasions when I know I was happy and involved. I want to "just do it" and I'm scheduled to have surgery in a few weeks but I still feel haunted by so many idiotic anxieties - #1 being will I ever feel well again? I'm so tired, I'm tired of making excuses simply because I don't feel like doing anything. If someone handed me a million dollars, as God is my witness I would not feel like enjoying it.

This is all the craziest experience I've ever known in my entire life. I feel like I'm living in some kind of self-imposed exile from everything and everyone and it's too much. I told the surgeon how mentally/emotionally frustrated I feel and he said living and trying to manage the symptoms of thyroid disease, particularly the fatigue, definitely effects the brain.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

skimordiegirl said:


> So I went to the consult today regarding having my thyroid removed. Apparently, even though my labs have been stable on a low dose... they still recommend that I get my thyroid removed because of the nodules and the size. It's not super super large, but it's there lol. I am so scared... I am scared that I will be so drugged up (I hate that feeling) on the meds for surgery and after. I am afraid that my already detached feeling I have had for a few years now will persist and that it is not caused by my thyroid graves, but from a different condition which also effects my vision. I have so many what if's. The surgeon is all for it and of course the Dr. is too as all of them have been. I just want to be sure this is best. I am so tired of feeling like I am living day to day with nothing to look forward to. I have a 2 year old for goodness sakes and I should be excited about that... but I can't really feel much of anything anymore. My head always hurts and the Dr's want to shove medicine at me which has only made my vision issues worse so when I refuse to take it they get mad. I feel so depressed now.... I have never felt so alone in my life. I can not imagine feeling worse than I feel now... I have read stories that sound horrible and I already feel horrible!
> 
> Sorry for complaining so much... my husband just kind of doesn't understand anything about this. His opinion is just do it... He makes a rather good Nike commercial lol.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw; I wish I could give you a hug in person.










Believe this or not; after your surgery, you are going to wonder why you did not do this sooner! I kid you not.

Yes; it is a bump in the road. Yes; you will be temporarily inconvenienced. But the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is there waiting just for you.

In a few weeks, you will feel great!

When are you scheduled for the surgery?


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

I am so sorry this is upsetting you so much. I, too, would give you a hug. Are you having a TT? I wish mine had been a TT twenty years ago. The last two years I have felt like crap. Four weeks ago, I had the second half out, and I knew in the hospital it was the right thing to do. Almost everyday I see improvements. I have been walking my dog who has been a couch potato since November because I just couldn't walk her anymore. Today, I did a very short exercise DVD, before work. Work used to wipe me out. I had the detached feeling too. Noting much interested me anymore. i also would have sworn I was losing IQ points rapidly. I couldn't follow conversations nor understand what people were saying to me. I am very fortunate to still have a marriage and a job because of the way I was.

Sorry to ramble, but just in your short post I see that you have similar symptoms. I hope everything will work out for the best for you. You never need to apologize for your posts, there are many of us here that care about the well being of our untreated and under treated fellow board members...so it is one place where you can talk all you want about the way you feel and someone will understand. Best wishes you you.


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## McKenna (Jun 23, 2010)

> I, too, worry that surgery won't make anything improve.


I thought the same thing when I was making the decision to have my TT. I couldn't imagine feeling worse, but terrified that I would.

I do feel so much better than last year at this time. I had my TT almost 10 months ago. Proper replacement is key and that can take a bit of time to get right. Then, healing comes, but proper replacement needs to happen first. Make sure to give yourself time after your TT and not get discouraged if you don't feel 100% right away. Thyroid changes are very slow.

It's a hard journey for sure. My heart goes out to anyone with a thyroid problem and not many people understand unless they've gone through it. I wish I had a dollar for every person who told me about their aunt/cousin/friend/neighbor who felt better after taking synthroid for a few weeks. How I wish I had been one of those "lucky" ones! But I wasn't and I know from being on these boards and reading each of your stories that I'm not alone. And none of you are alone either! We understand!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't lose focus and don't give up. Last year I was right where both of you are and I could not have kept going without my faith, family and these boards...especially Andros and Lovlkn.


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## skimordiegirl (Mar 10, 2011)

I def. get motion sickness very easily!!!! Stairs, heights, escalators, elevators, planes lol. Thank you, I will mention this to them and see what they can do!

I guess for me, not having much of any emotion right now mentally, I am scared I will come out with even worse, which I can't imagine what is worse, but I know there is lol.

Thank you for your reply!!  :hugs:



Octavia said:


> I have two thoughts...
> 1. For the surgery, tell them you are VERY prone to motion sickness. I did not tell the anesthesiologist this prior to my first surgery, and I felt awful afterwards, for days. I mentioned it for my second surgery, so they did something quite different for my anesthesia, and I woke up feeling perky and overall pretty good. It was a TOTAL difference from one surgery to the next. (They only took half my thyroid the first time, the 3 weeks later took the other half because the first half showed cancer.) I don't know if you are prone to motion sickness or not (I am, so I could truthfully say it, but seriously, it made all the difference.
> 
> 2. If you read many of the threads in this forum, you might see a trend... those of us who have had our thyroids removed seem to do pretty well, while those who have had no surgery or only a partial thyroidectomy still seem to struggle. Of course, that's a blanket statement, and not true for everyone, but it does seem like it may be a trend.
> ...


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## skimordiegirl (Mar 10, 2011)

:hugs: I have actually read your posts and know how familiar we sound. It actually gives me hope because it says we are both hyper and there is a chance we will get better with the surgery. I too dwell on my past to pinpoint when things changed... for me it was just stress. I think about happier times and that just makes me cry. I long to feel again!! I know God's will is for us to feel and enjoy life... so with that said, I trust we will!! :hugs:



I DClaire said:


> I read your post and started crying. I'm still crying so hard I can barely type but I feel so much like you do. I feel detached from everything and everybody. My vision is just about to drive me stark raving mad. I don't really have many headaches but I do feel depressed and guilty because I feel so detached. And, I'm so irritable I can barely stand myself. I asked my husband how he tolerates my behavior and he said because he loves me. He must!
> 
> I, too, worry that surgery won't make anything improve. I find myself constantly trying to pinpoint the time when I started feeling so horrible? I try to remember holidays or special occasions when I know I was happy and involved. I want to "just do it" and I'm scheduled to have surgery in a few weeks but I still feel haunted by so many idiotic anxieties - #1 being will I ever feel well again? I'm so tired, I'm tired of making excuses simply because I don't feel like doing anything. If someone handed me a million dollars, as God is my witness I would not feel like enjoying it.
> 
> This is all the craziest experience I've ever known in my entire life. I feel like I'm living in some kind of self-imposed exile from everything and everyone and it's too much. I told the surgeon how mentally/emotionally frustrated I feel and he said living and trying to manage the symptoms of thyroid disease, particularly the fatigue, definitely effects the brain.


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## skimordiegirl (Mar 10, 2011)

Andros, I wish I could feel that hug, I really do need it!!

I didn't schedule it because I am so scared about medicine, feeling high, recovery ugggg everything.  If and when I do surgery, I will keep you posted. I will bring a lap top with me lol so I can feel like I have some support 

:hugs:


Andros said:


> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw; I wish I could give you a hug in person.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## skimordiegirl (Mar 10, 2011)

McKenna and webster2, Thank you both! It's so great to hear from people who have been there and know how I feel. The whole mental aspect of this is just so overwhelming. It's funny because in the beginning my only concern was bringing my heart rate down when I was working out. Now 11 years later I feel like I should be locked up in the shizophrenic ward like I have lost my mind. Most days I feel like there is no way my thyroid could cause all of this crazy stuff, but I get reassurance from all of you wonderful gal's and guys 

Thank you so much  Lots of hugs!!!!


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

skimordiegirl said:


> McKenna and webster2, Thank you both! It's so great to hear from people who have been there and know how I feel. The whole mental aspect of this is just so overwhelming. It's funny because in the beginning my only concern was bringing my heart rate down when I was working out. Now 11 years later I feel like I should be locked up in the shizophrenic ward like I have lost my mind. Most days I feel like there is no way my thyroid could cause all of this crazy stuff, but I get reassurance from all of you wonderful gal's and guys
> 
> Thank you so much  Lots of hugs!!!!


I felt the same way. I googled how big the thyroid is, and was amazed such a tiny little thing could have so much control over my body and emotions. Nasty little monster, mine was. I though that I should have been placed in a psych ward. I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel. I still am waiting to see if mood swings will happen but so far, so good. I actually think my hubby is sleeping with both eyes shut now! :tongue0015:


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## SnoodMama (Jan 11, 2011)

Wow. I had been totally thinking those exact same thoughts.... like... ok I'm depressed, cranky, crazy now. There's this slight chance that my thyroid could be causing it. If I have the surgery and don't get any better.... then that means it is just my personality! I just am a cranky nut. And I think I'm having a partial thyroidectomy and they are only going to put me on a tiny dose of thyroid H afterwards to keep the remaining part from growing. It wouldn't change how I feel at all the doctor said. I'm euthyroid so there's no need to medicate me. ARGH! I haven't always been a cranky, moody, tired, biatch. Or have I????

Anyway, I'm thinking aloud here and I totally relate to what everyone is saying. It is so amazing to hear other people in the exact same boat. I don't even want to entertain the idea of the surgery helping me. At least I won't have the choking feeling all the time after it! But if there's even a slight chance of it improving the mood crap then that's just too good to even imagine. Scared it isn't true for me.


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

SnoodMama said:


> Wow. I had been totally thinking those exact same thoughts.... like... ok I'm depressed, cranky, crazy now. There's this slight chance that my thyroid could be causing it. If I have the surgery and don't get any better.... then that means it is just my personality! I just am a cranky nut. And I think I'm having a partial thyroidectomy and they are only going to put me on a tiny dose of thyroid H afterwards to keep the remaining part from growing. It wouldn't change how I feel at all the doctor said. I'm euthyroid so there's no need to medicate me. ARGH! I haven't always been a cranky, moody, tired, biatch. Or have I????
> 
> Anyway, I'm thinking aloud here and I totally relate to what everyone is saying. It is so amazing to hear other people in the exact same boat. I don't even want to entertain the idea of the surgery helping me. At least I won't have the choking feeling all the time after it! But if there's even a slight chance of it improving the mood crap then that's just too good to even imagine. Scared it isn't true for me.


I had half out 20 years ago, and took synthroid for awhile, and then decided I didn't need it. Big mistake. I think I blamed PMS and menopause for things that might have been thyroid related. The last two years I have not been a nice rational person. The last 10 months before surgery, Dr. Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde...my poor husband. I only had the choking or tight throat sensation a short while before the little monster left. I am hoping for the best for you! :hugs:


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

skimordiegirl said:


> I didn't schedule it because I am so scared about medicine, feeling high, recovery ugggg everything.  :hugs:


Please don't let fear prevent you from taking advantage of an opportunity to almost certainly feel better. If you do nothing, you know exactly what you will experience, and that will be more of the same. Given how you've described what you're going through, I can't imagine that's what you want.

Did you like the surgeon? Do you feel confident that he or she will do a good job? Have you checked out the surgeon's credentials?

I don't want to minimize the fear you are experiencing...fear of the unknown, for sure. But is that more or less scary than continuing to live in the way you've described? You've been presented an option to change the situation...

Actually, this reminds me of a blog post I read recently on http://www.sparknewthinking.com/

Here it is:

*Do you really want that opportunity? * By Mark Henson

We have a lot of flies in our house in the summer. With four kids (two canine and two human) there is always a door open to the outside somewhere. Ergo, the endless parade of flies.

Flies are funny. They zoom into the house the first chance they get, then spend the rest of their lives trying to get back out. Oh, sure, there's the occasional romp around the inside of a lampshade, but then they return to the nearest pane of glass to make sure the invisible force field is still there. They test this force field over and over by ramming their body into it, climbing on it, and buzzing all over it.

Our back door has a full-length glass window in it. There is almost always a fly bashing his head against the glass when I go to let the dogs out.

I have noticed a strange phenomenon when I open the door. More often than not, the fly (who has, like a thousand eyes right?) refuses to notice the gigantic new opening, and instead keeps trying to break through the window. Even when I try to "shoo" the fly the right direction, it will almost always stay right where it is, creating a window-induced concussion, OR it will fly back into the house.

I'm always fascinated by this because the fly seems to want out of the house, and quite desperately at that. In reality, I believe they like the idea of getting out of the house more than actually getting out. When presented with the opportunity to escape, to change, to pursue new possibilities, they panic and either stay frozen where they are or retreat back into the safety of the house.

Oh-my-gosh! I AM EXACTLY LIKE THAT, AREN'T YOU?

We're always looking out the window, wishing we had a better job, or wishing the boss would give us more responsibility, wishing we had the freedom to pursue our passion, or simply wishing we were on the other side of that window.

Oh, we bash our head against that window, too. We keep trying the same old things we've tried before, and we even try harder, but nothing seems to even crack the glass. We buzz and complain about how unfair life is, about how we're not recognized & rewarded like so-and-so is, about how we'd live life differently if somebody would just give us a chance.

Then, suddenly, the door is opened. We feel the fresh air of new possibility rush in...and we freeze. We thought we wanted to change, but now we're not so sure. We thought we knew exactly what we'd do when that door opened, but now the larger world on the other side scares the bejeezus out of us. It is suddenly a lot more unknown than we predicted. And we humans don't deal very well with the unknown. Apparently we share this trait with flies.

So, we keep our blinders on and pretend to not notice the opportunity, even when people try to guide us toward the open door. We say things like "That's ok, I'm good right here." We really don't mean it, but we're too afraid to let go of the window and explore the strange and wonderful new world on the other side. Too many unknowns.

We like the idea of opportunity. We're just not mentally prepared or courageous enough to act on it when it presents itself.

It's like watching kids jump off the high dive at the pool. That looks like so much fun...until you step to the end of the board yourself. Then it's terrifying.

Here's what I tell myself when I've been bashing my head against a window and then somebody finally opens the door. I also recite this mantra when I step to the edge of the high dive.

Remember, this is what you asked for.

Crap. I did, didn't I?

At this point, my fear of feeling like a schmuck usually takes over and forces me to peel myself off the window and fly out the door into the great unknown. You can't ask for something then say "No thanks, Universe" when it is finally given to you. If you do, you're asking for a cosmic smack down.

I also remind myself that the door won't be open forever, so if I truly want it, NOW is the time to act.

I will only spend a few seconds trying to help a fly take advantage of the open doorway. After that, I've got better things to do and he's pretty much out of luck. Now, he runs the risk of being swatted by a rolled up newspaper or being chomped by one of the dogs (they're surprisingly good at catching flies). Our opportunities act very much the same way. Use 'em or lose 'em.

Sometimes we don't see the opportunity because we're too busy bashing our head against the window. Stop bashing and just pay attention. If you allow yourself to stop complaining and stop feeling frustrated for a few moments, you might be surprised to see that there is an open door waiting for you.

Now, whether you choose to fly through it or not is entirely up to you.

Thanks for reading! See you next week.


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## skimordiegirl (Mar 10, 2011)

Wow Octavia,

Thank you for that! It sounds so much like me. I am so scared of what is going to happen once I fly out the window.

This has opened up my eyes a lot!!! Thank you!!:hugs:


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

skimordiegirl said:


> Wow Octavia,
> 
> Thank you for that! It sounds so much like me. I am so scared of what is going to happen once I fly out the window.
> 
> This has opened up my eyes a lot!!! Thank you!!:hugs:


Me, too!! In addition to all my other frailties, I'm also afraid of heights and I haven't been swimming in years!! :anim_63:

I'm gonna' be the little engine that could though - I think I can, I think I can!! At 65, this is a gamble I feel like I have to take...I have to believe the good Lord has brought me to this place and this point in time - he has opened the window, I've got to muster the courage to venture out.

I'm not a brave person, I don't think, but I'm becoming fearful that the longer I wait, the more my symptoms are wearing me down and I may lose the energy or stamina to continue on much longer.

I dunno'...but...I think I can, I think I can!! arty0049:


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

I DClaire said:


> I dunno'...but...I think I can, I think I can!! arty0049:


You KNOW you can!!!!! I think it was Andros who said it well...something about the beautiful pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Pot of gold, light at the end of the tunnel...call it what you want, but it's definitely something to look forward to!


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Octavia said:


> You KNOW you can!!!!! I think it was Andros who said it well...something about the beautiful pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Pot of gold, light at the end of the tunnel...call it what you want, but it's definitely something to look forward to!


And, if not, I'm going to look into using "pot"! :anim_63:

My mental/emotional state, to tell y'all the truth, disturbs me a lot more than my physical symptoms. If I don't get at least some relief after surgery, I'm going to look into recreational drugs and alcohol!! :winking0051:

Yesterday was a prime example of the weirdo I've become. It was my birthday and my nephew's birthday. His wife planned a very nice party. I didn't want to go, I didn't want anything to do with it, I all but fussed at my husband for remembering my birthday _(how goofy is that???), _then I drug myself to the party only to spend the entire afternoon feeling totally detached from everything and everybody.

I felt so bad I came home to see what I could find about thyroid "brain fog". I Googled "thyroid brain fog" and, again, everything I read sounded like it had been written specifically about me. The most exciting thing I read was that SHORT TERM memory can be majorly effected. Wonderful!! I thought surely I had Alzheimer's! :ashamed0001:

I've probably been prescribed a dozen or more different antidepressants through the years and not one ever made a particle of difference in my mood...if anything, they made me feel worse. I read last night that antidepressants absolutely can aggravate "brain fog" symptoms.

This is a wee bit off-topic but I also read (an article by Lawrence Wilson, MD.) that too much sex depletes the body of certain nutrients in both men and women and can contribute to a type of brain impairment related to "brain fog". :scared0015:


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