# I should be shot for saying this but...



## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

for 3 straight days I have actually felt like myself! I'd given-up hope and this may be another flash in the pan but I've felt _whole_ again...and I am so, so encouraged.

Y'all have listened to me fuss and fume for eight months. Can this be real? There was a time when I thought everytime I even thought I felt a little better I was _cured_...but the one thing I never could grasp was feeling like myself, feeling like my mind was working with my body. Before I might feel vaguely more energetic but I always felt detached, I felt like an empty shell - but right now I feel good.

I've been going all day - beginning my days early and staying busy and productive pretty much all day and into the night. All these months I haven't had any real interest in anything, I haven't had the energy nor presence of mind to start and finish even the smallest task but I'm following through with things.

You wouldn't think three relatively normal days would mean so much but I've been getting out of bed every morning anxious to get started with my day.

The only thing really worrying me is what I consider palpitations. My blood pressure and heart rate are wonderfully normal but I feel like my heart is beating too hard and I don't know why. I don't feel breathless but I'm too conscious of my heart beating.

The transient hearing impairment (sometimes hearing loss, most of the time hearing a faint noise) in my right ear seems to be getting worse but it doesn't stop me from being active.


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

Yehaw!!!! I am so happy for you! (oink, oink, oink!)


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

I DClaire said:


> for 3 straight days I have actually felt like myself! I'd given-up hope and this may be another flash in the pan but I've felt _whole_ again...and I am so, so encouraged.
> 
> Y'all have listened to me fuss and fume for eight months. Can this be real? There was a time when I thought everytime I even thought I felt a little better I was _cured_...but the one thing I never could grasp was feeling like myself, feeling like my mind was working with my body. Before I might feel vaguely more energetic but I always felt detached, I felt like an empty shell - but right now I feel good.
> 
> ...


You might wish to consider zinc deficiency as related to your hearing problems.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Andros said:


> You might wish to consider zinc deficiency as related to your hearing problems.


Will check on this immediately! You guys have helped me more than all my doctors put together!!


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

webster2 said:


> Yehaw!!!! I am so happy for you! (oink, oink, oink!)


Oink, oink back to ya'!!


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## bigfoot (May 13, 2011)

Wonderful news! arty0045:


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

I am so glad to hear this!!!! Your persistance appears to be paying off!


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Let's hope! My persistance and the patience and encouragement of everyone here!!

You know, the two most obvious changes are:

1. I don't feel 100% mentally, emotionally and physically drained by mid-morning. For months on end, it was all I could do to stay awake by 10:30 A.M.

2. I'm O.K. with getting out of bed every morning. I doubt many of us jump out of bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed but all these months I'd wake-up or need to get up and, more often than not, I honestly didn't know how I was going to do it. I'd usually get up, then sit in a recliner for 30 minutes or more before I could function.

I'm finding I'm suddenly waking-up with an obvious sense that I have energy - I may not want to get up but I can get up!

I'm still so afraid the bubble is going to burst but I really am cautiously optimistic that maybe things are finally improving. I'm enjoying housework! I bathed the dog! Today I'm cleaning out the fireplace (from last winter)!! WooWoo!! Or...oink, oink!!


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## jenny v (May 6, 2012)

> The only thing really worrying me is what I consider palpitations. My blood pressure and heart rate are wonderfully normal but I feel like my heart is beating too hard and I don't know why. I don't feel breathless but I'm too conscious of my heart beating.


I had this, too, I DClaire. My blood pressure was perfect, my heart rate was perfect, but when I laid down at night it felt like my heart was just pounding in my chest. Like it was working too hard. My cardiologist (I've had a mild arrythmia for years) gave me a beta blocker that totally cleared this up--just the smallest dose possible since everything else was normal. He said the pounding was not something to worry about (he thinks it's a side effect of my Hashi's) but since it was keeping me up and causing discomfort, he prescribed the Toprol XL for it.


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## jshep (Apr 13, 2012)

So glad you are feeling better! Saw your armour dosage changed recently - maybe it's a sign of your hormones finally being leveled out!!! Hope you keep feeling better!


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## bairfrey (May 4, 2012)

IDClaire.. Your message is exactly what I needed to read today. Some encouraging words. I am so glad to hear that it does get better. I have surgery a week from Friday, and I have so many different emotions about everything that has been going on for the last 2 years with me. But you give me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Enjoy your new found energy!


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## Lovlkn (Dec 20, 2009)

I wonder if your FT-3 is a bit too high for you?

I get that tight chest feeling if my meds are off even a slight bit.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

I've become like a 65-year old kid with a new toy - *energy! * I may sound like the poster child for Armour but after feeling like death warmed over for 7 1/2 months, feeling whole again is so wonderful.

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and even she was amazed at my progress. I'm not taking any mental health drugs but she is checking my Vitamin B-12 level to see if that may be causing the transient lethargic fatigue I can't get past. If it is low, she wants to prescribe a B-12 nasal spray. I'm almost hoping it'll be low - I've taken B-12 shots in the past and they were great. She said the nasal spray works better than the shots.

I'm a born-again thyroid patient! I was so convinced I would never feel like myself again but now it seems like I feel better every day!! arty0006:


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## bairfrey (May 4, 2012)

Hi Idclaire, 
It is awesome that you are feeling like your old self again. I am curious, do you follow a certain type of diet. In your change of feeling better was the only thing you changed the medication or did you change your diet too?


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

I DClaire said:


> I've become like a 65-year old kid with a new toy - *energy! * I may sound like the poster child for Armour but after feeling like death warmed over for 7 1/2 months, feeling whole again is so wonderful.
> 
> I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and even she was amazed at my progress. I'm not taking any mental health drugs but she is checking my Vitamin B-12 level to see if that may be causing the transient lethargic fatigue I can't get past. If it is low, she wants to prescribe a B-12 nasal spray. I'm almost hoping it'll be low - I've taken B-12 shots in the past and they were great. She said the nasal spray works better than the shots.
> 
> I'm a born-again thyroid patient! I was so convinced I would never feel like myself again but now it seems like I feel better every day!! arty0006:


I am so happy for you! It has been a long hard struggle, and I think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!! Good news, indeed!


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

This is super-cool news!!! And I love the "born again" part!


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## bigfoot (May 13, 2011)

I DClaire said:


> I've become like a 65-year old kid with a new toy - *energy! *


Excellent news! So glad things are turning around and getting better for you!

hugs4


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

I haven't posted much in a few weeks but I try to read everything. If thyroidboards.com has a prize for the member who absolutely cannot seem to get it right, I'll win! After a couple of months of feeling better, I now feel horrible again AND feel trapped between an endocrinologist and a cardiologist. I'm back in my dismal old dumpy boat! My endocrinologist says my extreme fatigue is my heart - my cardiologist says my heart is strong. I've really about reached the point where I'm tired of trying to find answers. I am absolutely sick to death of thinking about my health. I feel like bigfoot's signature - I wish I could enjoy some kind of stability with the way I feel, I'm disgusted!

I had new labs last Friday - I have no idea what to expect and I'm not kidding when I say I'm so tired of all this, a person can only ride the proverbial emotional rollercoaster for so long! I totally expect tomorrow to be told everything is peachy keen!! That's when I tell my endocrinologist I feel horrible and she again suggests I make yet another trip to the cardiologist who says my heart is suffering because my thyroid is out of whack! My thyroid is OUT. Period. I've lost all hope of good health again.

On May 31 my T4 Free was 1.0 (range 0.8-1.5). My T3 Free was 3.1 (range 2.0-3.6). TSH was 0.030 (range 0.37-4.55). The general concensus seemed to be that things couldn't get much better and I should continue on 120 mg Armour.

By mid-June I felt so bad that I did not have the energy to have a family get-together for my daughter's birthday and even asked her not to come home for that weekend. I did not have the energy to enjoy a weekend visit with my only child!

I am piling on weight - while only eating two "healthy" meals a day. I've actually lost my appetite. I can barely stay awake - if I sit down, I have to fight against falling asleep. Friends and neighbors tell me I don't even look like myself anymore and I know it's true...but I'm getting to where I don't really care. I'm totally heat intollerant.

It's been almost 10 months since my surgery and I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I have palpitations almost 24/7 again. I'm also having daily problems that feel like hypoglycemia but apparently aren't. I feel so tense and anxious that I almost jump out of my skin at the slightest surprise, including a total panic when a leaf fell out of a tree onto the hood of my SUV while I was driving.

I wish I knew why I felt wonderfully normal in the weeks following my surgery but have steadily gone down ever since? Synthroid seemed to make me a nervous wreck but I don't know but what that was better than the total fatigue I'm back to now? I feel like I have aged 15 years in the past 10 months.


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## CA-Lynn (Apr 29, 2010)

Stop thinking about it and go enjoy it.


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

Oh IDC, I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say, ((IDC))


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

I DClaire said:


> I haven't posted much in a few weeks but I try to read everything. If thyroidboards.com has a prize for the member who absolutely cannot seem to get it right, I'll win! After a couple of months of feeling better, I now feel horrible again AND feel trapped between an endocrinologist and a cardiologist. I'm back in my dismal old dumpy boat! My endocrinologist says my extreme fatigue is my heart - my cardiologist says my heart is strong. I've really about reached the point where I'm tired of trying to find answers. I am absolutely sick to death of thinking about my health. I feel like bigfoot's signature - I wish I could enjoy some kind of stability with the way I feel, I'm disgusted!
> 
> I had new labs last Friday - I have no idea what to expect and I'm not kidding when I say I'm so tired of all this, a person can only ride the proverbial emotional rollercoaster for so long! I totally expect tomorrow to be told everything is peachy keen!! That's when I tell my endocrinologist I feel horrible and she again suggests I make yet another trip to the cardiologist who says my heart is suffering because my thyroid is out of whack! My thyroid is OUT. Period. I've lost all hope of good health again.
> 
> ...


I "am" thinking diabetes! I surely am!!!

Hopefully you will share your lab results and ranges when they come in?


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

IDC, do you have a blood sugar tester?

I suspect if you had diabetes, your blood sugar would be HIGH, not low, which is what you are feeling like (like it's low).

Here's some info from the Mayo Clinic site...

Possible causes of hypoglycemia, without diabetes 
Hypoglycemia in people without diabetes is much less common. Causes may include the following:

Medications. Taking someone else's oral diabetes medication accidentally is a possible cause of hypoglycemia. Other medications may cause hypoglycemia, especially in children or in people with kidney failure. One example is quinine, which is used to treat malaria.

Excessive alcohol consumption. Drinking heavily without eating can block your liver from releasing stored glucose into your bloodstream, causing hypoglycemia.

Some critical illnesses. Severe illnesses of the liver, such as severe hepatitis, can cause hypoglycemia. Disorders of the kidney, which can keep your body from properly excreting medications, can affect glucose levels due to a buildup of those medications.

Long-term starvation, as may occur in the eating disorder anorexia nervosa, can result in the depletion of substances your body needs in gluconeogenesis, causing hypoglycemia.

Insulin overproduction. A rare tumor of the pancreas (insulinoma) may cause overproduction of insulin, resulting in hypoglycemia. Other tumors may result in excessive production of insulin-like substances. Or the tumors themselves may use up too much glucose. Enlargement of beta cells of the pancreas that produce insulin (nesidioblastosis) may result in excessive insulin release, causing hypoglycemia. People who've undergone gastric bypass surgery are at risk of this condition.

Endocrine deficiencies. Certain disorders of the adrenal glands and the pituitary gland can result in a deficiency of key hormones that regulate glucose production. Children with these disorders are more prone to hypoglycemia than are adults.

Also...what about anemia? Is that a possibility?

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anemia/DS00321/DSECTION=symptoms


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

I had every blood test except my thyroid tests about three weeks ago. I specifically asked about diabetes because I had an uncle who died from complications related to diabetes and my dad was borderline diabetic but my internist said he results were all normal.

I think I would have been more relieved had something shown up on the tests but everything was O.K. except my cholesterol.

I don't know...I've never felt so fixated on anything as I've been with my health, so excited everytime something would seem to improve and so totally undone when I'd realize the fatigue was returning or my energy and stamina were failing again. I guess I'm just at my wit's end! My husband wants us to take a vacation but I'm not even sure I feel up to that. I know everybody thinks I'm losing my mind and maybe I am.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

I DClaire said:


> I had every blood test except my thyroid tests about three weeks ago. I specifically asked about diabetes because I had an uncle who died from complications related to diabetes and my dad was borderline diabetic but my internist said he results were all normal.
> 
> I think I would have been more relieved had something shown up on the tests but everything was O.K. except my cholesterol.
> 
> I don't know...I've never felt so fixated on anything as I've been with my health, so excited everytime something would seem to improve and so totally undone when I'd realize the fatigue was returning or my energy and stamina were failing again. I guess I'm just at my wit's end! My husband wants us to take a vacation but I'm not even sure I feel up to that. I know everybody thinks I'm losing my mind and maybe I am.


Remember when the docs kept on saying your thyroid was fine? Here we go again. Don't give up.

You may wish to insist on this.

http://www.cvmc.org/hospital/departments-services/clinical-departments/laboratory/glucose-testing

Sending hugs to one of my very very favorite ladies!


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## CA-Lynn (Apr 29, 2010)

I keep going back to the original "diagnosis" .....HYPOglycemia.....that's the reverse of diabetes. *On what basis was the hypoglycemia diagnosis made?* Have they changed their diagnosis now?

Please read this link, specifically the symptoms of hypoglycemia:
http://www.medicinenet.com/hypoglycemia/article.htm

It would be helpful if you would post the last set of lab results.

Was an A1C run? If they just ran a standard glucose that doesn't tell the picture. You need to have more than a "what is happening this minute" test, which is where the A1C comes in. It tells you what's been going on over a longer period of time.


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

CA-Lynn said:


> I keep going back to the original "diagnosis" .....HYPOglycemia.....that's the reverse of diabetes. *On what basis was the hypoglycemia diagnosis made?* Have they changed their diagnosis now?
> 
> Please read this link, specifically the symptoms of hypoglycemia:
> http://www.medicinenet.com/hypoglycemia/article.htm
> ...


I wholeheartedly agree. Diabetes does not sound right to me...you have the opposite, if you are indeed hypoglycemic.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

CA-Lynn said:


> I keep going back to the original "diagnosis" .....HYPOglycemia.....that's the reverse of diabetes. *On what basis was the hypoglycemia diagnosis made?* Have they changed their diagnosis now?
> 
> Please read this link, specifically the symptoms of hypoglycemia:
> http://www.medicinenet.com/hypoglycemia/article.htm
> ...


I'm rushing right now but I don't think I ever said I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia - I said I have transient symptoms that made me wonder about that?

The doctor said this morning that certain aspects of hyperthyroidism (or, in my case, possibly being over-medicated) can cause feelings of low blood sugar - some people actually pass out. I haven't fainted but what happens is I somewhat suddenly find myself shaking, feeling too hot, feeling weak, etc., and that's what I associate with low blood sugar.

I also learned that if/when that happens, it's important not to overreact. You can drink one regular (not sugar free) soda or eat a few bites of candy, then wait 15 minutes before consuming more - don't start swallowing every sugary thing you can get your hands on.


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## CA-Lynn (Apr 29, 2010)

You're right my bad.....you didn't say that you'd been diagnosed with hypoglycemia....you mentioned some symptoms that you felt were similar to hypoglycemia. Guess I got confused with another post. Sorry,


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## bigfoot (May 13, 2011)

Sending positive thoughts your way! I know you'll get to the bottom of this, there has to be an answer hiding somewhere.

:hugs:


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

CA-Lynn said:


> You're right my bad.....you didn't say that you'd been diagnosed with hypoglycemia....you mentioned some symptoms that you felt were similar to hypoglycemia. Guess I got confused with another post. Sorry,


That's O.K.! I have so many symptoms and complaints I can't keep track of them myself! :anim_63:

I was thinking today that I am very rarely actually sick, I seldom actually get sick with anything...but I never feel well anymore. Ordinarily I loathe blood tests but I'm looking forward to this stuff tomorrow, I'm bound and determined to stay with this until I get some answers even if the answer is simply that I'm a royal nutcase!!

My doctor called the tests ordered tomorrow her "fatigue tests".

I really have slipped a lot recently - physically, mentally and even emotionally. The doctor said what I share with her about my mood fluctuations could be indicative of something because she sees a change just in the year we've known each other.

I'm either dealing with a medical mystery OR I'm taking hypochondria to new heights!! :ashamed0003: Maybe I have some latent childhood medical experiences finally coming forth. As a child, when I had a sore throat my mother didn't take me to a pediatrician, she took me to an oncologist! I could write a book!!


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## CA-Lynn (Apr 29, 2010)

I want to hear about these childhood visits to the oncologist!

Re the blood tests - look, sometimes it's a relieft just to have them take vials of blood just so you can hopefully get to the bottom of it.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

CA-Lynn said:


> I want to hear about these childhood visits to the oncologist!
> 
> Re the blood tests - look, sometimes it's a relieft just to have them take vials of blood just so you can hopefully get to the bottom of it.


 I don't know if you want to hear even part of that! :ashamed0003: My childhood wasn't exactly like that of most people. Going to the oncologist for everything from sore throats to muscle spasms was, sadly, practically routine...and I might add we were going to the most highly respected oncologist in town! Today I doubt seriously any oncologist would treat anyone without a referral but it wasn't like that when I was a child.

After I married in 1966, my husband and I moved away from the town I'd lived in most of my life for a couple of years, then we moved back. Around 1970 or so, my gynecologist thought maybe I had a lump in one breast so he made a quick appointment for me to see the oncologist of my youth! I could not believe my eyes when he walked in with a folder that was probably 1 1/2" thick! :confused0068:

My maternal grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was maybe 3-4 years old and I think the suffering she endured left my mother scarred for life...again because medicine as we know it today did not exist in the 40's and 50's. Very few of my mother's female relatives have escaped cancer and Mother actually underwent a double mastectomy in the early 60's in an effort to not get breast cancer. I don't know if that was the reason or not but so far neither Mother (who will soon be 91), my sister or I have had breast cancer. Needless to say, "cancer" was a common household word with Mother!

Mother was into preventative medicine light years before anyone else ever thought about it! She used to make my siblings and I swallow cod liver oil to keep from getting colds. A bad cold would have been preferable! A "growing pain" could be anything from a brain tumor to tuberculosis! If there was a virus going around at school or any childhood disease, we stayed home! I'll soon be 66 and I have NEVER had measles, mumps or chicken pox!

But, I don't think it was good for kids to live in a constant, continuous, never-ending atmosphere where illness and death were spoken of every single day...not to mention that my paternal grandparents were devout Christian Scientists!!


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

My grandmother was a Christian Scientist, and my father (her son) sounds like your mother.  My mother, on the other hand, drove herself to the hospital with a broken leg.....


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

webster2 said:


> My grandmother was a Christian Scientist, and my father (her son) sounds like your mother.  My mother, on the other hand, drove herself to the hospital with a broken leg.....


Some people today associate Christian Science with Tom Cruise's Scientology but they're definitely not related. My paternal grandparents were the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate people I've ever known and eternally as upbeat and positive as Mother was negative. My dad, God bless him, was just like his parents...which I always thought rather proved the old adage about opposites being attracted to each other.

I've never broken a leg but I broke my ankle one time - your mother is to be commended for her strength and determination. I've never felt such pain. When the EMS crew put an air splint on it, it totally stopped hurting. When they took it off at the hospital to X-ray, I thought I was going to die!!


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

I DClaire said:


> Some people today associate Christian Science with Tom Cruise's Scientology but they're definitely not related. My paternal grandparents were the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate people I've ever known and eternally as upbeat and positive as Mother was negative. My dad, God bless him, was just like his parents...which I always thought rather proved the old adage about opposites being attracted to each other.
> 
> I've never broken a leg but I broke my ankle one time - your mother is to be commended for her strength and determination. I've never felt such pain. When the EMS crew put an air splint on it, it totally stopped hurting. When they took it off at the hospital to X-ray, I thought I was going to die!!


My Grandmother was calm and kind. She was quite a different type of person than my father. She lived into her late 90's and died from pneumonia because her beliefs prevented medical intervention.

My mother was the main care taker for my other grandmother, Satan's sister. My mother waited for the night nurse to arrive and then drove to the hospital. When I arrived, she was giving the staff crap because they cut her pants. She also refused pain meds because it would be constipating...I shake my family tree and lots of nuts fall out.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

I have three close friends all having major surgery this week so my time online is severely limited. I did want to report that out of ALL the blood tests last Friday, the only two concerns noted were that my Vitamin B12 level was "mid-range" and my Vitamin D level was low, which comes as no surprise. Everything else was perfect!

I'm going to try a once weekly nasal spray for the B12 deficiency called Nascobal. It's supposed to take the place of shots. One spray, one nostril, once a week. Knowing my luck, my nose will probably fall off but maybe not.

The doctor wants me to go back on the 50,000 IU weekly doses of Vitamin D but I've done that before for months on end and it didn't accomplish or change anything.

Something interesting has happened that has me still wondering if I'm simply having a hard time with Armour. Last Friday I didn't take my Armour until after the extensive lab tests but I took it immediately afterwards on an empty stomach. Saturday I felt so horrible I simply decided not to take anything and then Sunday morning I forgot to take my usual 120 mg Armour. I felt better yesterday than I have felt in weeks!

My mood was wonderful yesterday, I did not feel bloated, I had an appetite, I did not feel irritable at all. I felt happy, calm and enjoyed the afternoon.

This morning I took my Armour and felt O.K. until mid-morning. I fell asleep in a recliner while cooking lunch and have felt "twired" ever since.

This is beginning to seem a bit like de-ja vu...as when my Synthroid test results looked O.K. but I felt like death warmed over.

I've started a very detailed diary related to how I feel every day, blood pressure readings, etc. Also, yesterday my BP was normal and I had no palpitations. Today the palpitations are back.


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## Tracilee (Jul 13, 2012)

That is just amazing. Good luck to you!!!!


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

IDC, have you had your eyes checked recently? Here's a web page that has a great eye chart. In fact, you may want to buy one to keep in your house...(i hope the link works)...

http://www.etsy.com/listing/6788483...ip_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=all


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

Oh...and if the eye chart shows that you have bad vision, you may want to look into this:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/1002626...ip_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=all


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Octavia said:


> IDC, have you had your eyes checked recently? Here's a web page that has a great eye chart. In fact, you may want to buy one to keep in your house...(i hope the link works)...
> 
> http://www.etsy.com/listing/6788483...ip_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=all


Gotta' have them both, Octavia! :anim_63: I wish you'd seen my poor neurotic pug when I walked in the backdoor yesterday. You wouldn't think a 12-year old dog could all but bounce off the walls like Jimbo did!!

I slept 11 straight hours last night! Maybe I'll become the new poster child for Xanax! I told my cardiologist this morning that (after 2 Xanax) my chest feels more normal than I can even remember.

I'm going back tomorrow for yet more lab tests. I'm approaching the point where I don't know how many more sticks I can tolerate without killing somebody! I got more test results today - all good!

A week or two from now I'm going in for a different CAT scan that actually catches the heart beating. It's supposed to be like a heart catherization without having to be hospitalized...which thrills me to no end.

I think I feel relatively well today. I feel calm - I'm having to wait a day before trying the Nascobal (until after the test tomorrow) but I'm really not finding much in the way of glowing recommendations for it. I'll probably end-up having to take the shots.

I'm trying to distract myself with some sewing today - trying to make myself a New Orleans Saints purse...like I'm such a sports fan!! Sewing seems to help clear my mind.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

:anim_63:Will y'all still love me when I'm a dope addict?

I've never been into recreational drugs but I can see getting hooked on Xanax in a heartbeat! I took one again last night (had 1 in the hospital and 2 at home) and slept 10 straight hours - woke up feeling like a million bucks! It didn't even particularly bother me knowing I had to drive halfway across town for more labwork...which I might add went wonderfully well! Life is better with Xanax!!

Gheez...what is going to happen to me next? :ashamed0003:

With every heart test except a heart catherization under my belt, everything points to whatever sent me to the ER definitely not being heart related. I truly have to believe it is all anxiety but then (you know me) I'm wondering if Synthroid and later Armour is driving the anxiety OR am I dealing with chronic anxiety that has been causing mixed signals with Synthroid and then Armour?

Whichever, I feel so good on Xanax, I can't really even think about it BUT I'm not quite so far out of touch with reality to realize I can't keep on taking Xanax. This stuff (the generic form) cost me $2.35! I like it so much it's scaring me!

I kinda' don't know what to do. Already, in three short days, I find taking one small dose at bedtime lets me sleep soundly, wake up refreshed, enjoy a perfectly normal day without biting my husband's head off, feel productive, and I like it...but I'm afraid it's dangerous.

What do people do for chronic anxiety? My blood pressure/pulse are perfect. I'm truly enjoying food. I actually find myself lighthearted and laughing. But I'm afraid.


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

Couple of thoughts...

1. It's working!!! Beautiful!!!

2. I guess it would be cool (???) if the source of your problems is anxiety??? (I don't know...would it be cool?)

3. I can understand your nervousness about being dependent on it. Perhaps there's something that will provide a similar outcome that you'd feel comfortable taking longer-term, if needed????

4. Maybe you simply need another pug. They're very therapeutic, you know.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Octavia said:


> Couple of thoughts...
> 
> 1. It's working!!! Beautiful!!!
> 
> ...


I've definitely been dreaming of another dog. A friend's mother died and they're trying to find a new owner for a little chihuahua but my husband is begging me not to take it. I know he feels like I'm doing good to take care of myself and Jimbo isn't getting any younger so I'm trying not to dwell on it.

My gut feeling tells me a whole lot of what's been happening to me for a long time is probably anxiety. One thing I've particularly noticed is if something alarms me, particularly about Jimbo (as an example), like the morning I found blood on his bedding, I absolutely can barely function - it'll be like I am taking panic to whole new heights. Then, whatever scared me will pass, and I'm O.K. again. I live with a fear of something happening to Paul and I wouldn't be able to help him.

I think recognizing the possibility that this is all anxiety related may go a long way toward managing it. It seems like just believing in my heart that so much of what I've been so totally upset about very well may be anxiety is somewhat comforting - before I couldn't seem to figure out what was happening, now most of it makes sense. I don't know if my thyroid medication is causing the anxiety or if my personality has given birth to all this? That part I don't know but I do believe I know this is anxiety.

All these months I've complained of being so doubtful whether or not I had the right medication and definitely whether or not I was under-medicated or over-medicated. Right now, my gut feeling is the dosage is not really as tricky as I've tried to make it.

For this coming week, I intend to try to enjoy feeling better and stop obsessing so much about my health. I definitely don't think I'm in any danger of a heart attack and since I've felt calmer and happier, my blood pressure and heart rate numbers are unbelievably stable and perfect!


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

I honestly think you're onto something...everything you just typed makes sense.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Octavia said:


> I honestly think you're onto something...everything you just typed makes sense.


Yep! Isn't it strange when you can't see the forest for the trees? It's almost like a flashback but this very well may not be the first time something like this has happened to me but I'd pretty much forgotten about it.

My daughter was born in 1968. Within two years my father-in-law died unexpectedly, Paul was diagnosed with chronic coronary artery disease, my mother-in-law (a stroke victim) had to be relocated from 60 miles away to live with her sister and brother-in-law at their old family home.
Paul was working so for weeks at a time my baby daughter and I stayed with my mother-in-law getting her home sold, etc.

Within a very few months of my mother-in-law getting re-settled, her sister's husband died unexpectedly and I then had two elderly ladies to get moved so they'd be near us.

A doctor finally told me I was on the brink of a total physical breakdown...and prescribed Valium, which seemed to save me.

Since Daddy died in 2004, my life has been very little except stress. I do the best I can to deal with it but I'm beginning to think I don't handle stress well. I used to tease a neighbor who went all the way to the Mayo Clinic only to be diagnosed with acid reflux but maybe I don't handle stress much better.

After Paul's first heart surgery we attended a support group at the hospital for several months. The nurse who conducted the classes said Paul was a Type A personality and she guessed I must be a Type Z because I seemed to be able to deal with problems easily. I don't deal with things so much as I absorb and internalize things and I think I used to be a better actress than I am today - I don't have the energy to put on a happy face anymore.

I feel quite well today - I'm sewing. I'm going to keep up and increase my little exercise routine. I don't feel so helpless like I've been feeling - I feel like I'm dealing with something I recognize. I'm going to get through this, I haven't been through what I've been through for months on end for no reason.

I have a friend in another state who is a doctor and has thyroid issues himself. He told me about a rare condition called Pheochromocytoma. He said in 40 years he has only seen one case. I have all the symptoms BUT most definitely am not losing weight!

Nobody on God's earth hates health tests worse than I do but I'm doing everything every doctor schedules and as quickly as possible. I want an answer even if it is that I'm making myself crazy!! :anim_63: I feel kinda' empowered right now - I'm not going to drop the ball as long as my doctors are trying so hard to help me.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

Octavia, this is what I'm working on. I've been asked to donate a couple of purses for a silent auction and I've had this fabric for years. I seriously doubt it's even still available. I'm not so crazy about the small orange trim so I found something else in my treasure trove of accumulated junk - a brown, fuzzy, heavy "eyelash" trim that I'm using this morning and like a lot better.

I've cut out a "New Orleans Saints" "Who dat nation" fleur-de-lis purse but the lining material already has me ready to scream. :anim_08:

Check out the drummer!!​


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

I am glad "your handle on life" seems to be repaired! I love the dog fabric, and was sad to hear it was from your stash, darn.

I've been sewing too. I missed it. I have tons of "UFO's" that need to be dealth with, the hard part is done...but that was the fun part too.

Kris & I made bags for our local humane society to sell. She is very active in GMPR and makes lots if interesting things for their silent auctions. She recently took on a pug that has been in foster care for a long long time. That gives her 5 plus the chocolate lab of her hubby's.


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## I DClaire (Jul 31, 2011)

For over five years I made custom costumes for pugs and donated 100% of everything I made OR many times donated the costumes themselves to pug rescue fundraisers. I enjoyed all that tremendously! I believe the only two costumes I ever made for non pugs were a matching set of mermaids for a Great Dane and a Minature Dachshund to wear in a St. Patrick's Day parade in Chicago. I know I'm prejudiced but I believe no other breed of dog looks as silly in any costume as a pug!!

My costumes were pretty much constructed so the pug never knew it was wearing anything other than a soft, comfortable coat. The outer layer could be anything from rhinestones and pearls to a Greek goddess or a handpainted tube of Crest toothpaste but the lining was always soft. I called my operation "Gumdrop's Girlie Pug Pants & Formal Wear, Custom Attire for the Discriminating Pug". :anim_63: It was all in fun - the name originating from my efforts to design pants that would stay on a pug's bottom when they walked around.

This is the late Gumdrop as a French Maid
complete with wig.​







This is Gummy dressed as Goldilocks.
This costume set included three bear suits for a 
four-pug family.​


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

All that stuff is way too cute! I LOVE the bag!!!! LOVE IT!!!! (And I actually like the orange trim, but then orange is my favorite color. I even have an orange car!)


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

OMG, that is too cute! Kris goes to a "pug social" at the Shelburne museum with costumes! I like the name "Gumdrop"! That is pretty amazing that you made the costumes so they didn't feel like they were wearing something, very clever!


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