# There’s something wrong with me!



## JustMe (Nov 6, 2011)

It's July and my birthday is approaching. It's at this time that I realize what's about to happen. The company that I work for, that I helped to build, has, in the not so distant past, hired a new CEO. He has it in for me. I've signed the biggest account of the year and Mr. CEO doesn't like it. In fact, Mr. CEO dislikes it so much that he changes the structure of the sales department. He cuts MY commission; yes I said my commission, as in only mine, by 11 percent. He decides to take away accounts. What this does is take away over half of my income. He gives that income to men, men who have done nothing to earn commission on the accounts that I signed. I could go on.

The effects felt from an income loss of that caliber are significant. In hindsight, I wish I'd taken legal action instead of being so stupidly loyal. It's time for payday and my income, which had been declining over the past six months, takes an eight thousand dollar dive. In addition, he's holding my expense report - again. It was not out of the ordinary for him and his minion to delay paying for several months. Yes, I was financing the company's travel and entertainment and losing ground. While I paid interest on credit cards I'd never carried a balance on before, these two laughed their way to the bank as my life and my son's life crumbled.

I live a country away from my family. There is no help. Mr. CEO, upon being hired, mandated that I move to my territory or be fired. Bye-Bye house. Off I move to California with my son who is in his junior year of high school, from a six-bedroom home to a two-bedroom apartment. I received no raise for the difference in cost of living. It's now my son's senior year, the year that I'd planned to buy a house. Instead of buying another home I'm trying desperately to pick up the pieces of my crumbling world.

Imagine going from pedicures & champagne brunch to collection calls and repossessions. Not fun especially when you work in the world of Financial Services, Credit Scores, and Credit Worthiness & Collection Practices. I now live everyday in complete and utter humiliation.
I had a relationship with the CIO of this company. Mr. CIO, now the enemy, was once in love with me and demanding that I leave the job that I so loved, move across the county with my son, [who has just been forced to leave his friends in his junior year and move to California] to live with him. He has bought us a little house. Mr. CIO decides to go back to his family. Who do you think felt the repercussions of his decision? I can tell you that it was not Mr. CIO. Mr. CIO and Mr. CEO make a decision in order to protect Mr. CIO & his family from any thought whatsoever that Mr. CIO and I may have any contact, including normal & necessary professional contact. The decision means that all opportunity that would potentially allow me to restore my income is gone. They give that opportunity level, the whole of it, to Mr. CIO's minion. Yes indeed, Mr. Minion is a man. Mr. Minion has done nothing to deserve the opportunities. Mr. Minion has caused significant trouble within the customer base. Mr. Minion is not well received by prospects. Mr. Minion doesn't get it in general. In evaluating history with the company, performance and feedback, no one can top me at this point yet I am losing ground. I'll add that Mr. CIO and Mr. CEO don't get it either. What they do get is that they have a deal together that should the company be sold, they split a million or so made on the technology the company has purchased from Mr. CIO.

I hope this frames my situation. Yes, I admit, the relationship was a mistake. It was a mistake made by two people, not one.

As I stated, the impact of this type of income loss is devastating. The decline had been ongoing from the beginning of 2010. July's paycheck was the final straw. I had to tell my son college was now on hold. The recent purchase of a new and larger vehicle for me and the purchase of a vehicle for my son meant the financial responsibility had grown to fit the income I was accustomed to. With both vehicles being newer, I couldn't sell them or trade in without taking a hit. When I bought both my credit was impeccable. My credit score is now declining more rapidly than my income did. Bye-Bye zero balance credit cards. Hello max out!! Hello interest! Hello late fees! Hello repossession! Hello depression.

The month following this dramatic income change I noticed that my once toned tummy had a bit of a bulge. Over the next year my health continued to decline. I gained 30+ pounds. My hair looked more like hay. My eyes & my face are swollen. My feet & legs have significant swelling during travel or standing briefly. My feet and legs fall asleep easily and now always feel like pins & needles at night. My skin is so dry that I'm literally scraping it off with a knife almost daily. My complexion is terrible. I can't think straight. I feel like I'm in a mental fog. Things that were once easy are now almost impossible. My home is a disaster. My thoughts are all negative. I'm humiliated by the image I see in the mirror. I'm humiliated at what my life has become.

My weight continues to increase. I'm totally broke. I can't afford new clothes because I can't even pay the bills that are due. I can't get out of them. There's not much room to further reduce spending. We are not going anywhere or doing anything that costs money. I am working as hard and as smart as I can in this mental haze and depression to try and climb out of the hell that has been forced upon me. My once outgoing son is also depressed and rarely leaves his room.

I finally decide it's time to see the doctor. I've been to the doctor about the swelling and tingling in my legs and feet. There was no answer as to why this was happening. Over several months I had two different blood tests. The first one showed my cholesterol and triglycerides were elevated and that I had a vitamin D deficiency. How does one get a vitamin D deficiency living in beautiful, sunny Southern California? The next blood test was picture perfect. I had every single symptom medically possible for hypothyroidism yet the blood tests did not show a problem. The doctor says that I'm fine and if I want to further question the tests that I should see an endocrinologist. RIGHT!! I'm broke, my son, instead of being in college, is sitting in his room. Paying an endocrinologist is EXACTLY what I want to do at this point. It's impossibility. I can't do it.

It was at this point that I started to do some research for myself. I know how my body responds and I know that there is something wrong with me. The people around me are completely unsupportive. One person, whom I will not refer to as a friend now, told me at the end of a conversation in which I went into detail about the things above, "Lose some weight Sandra." Nice, ey? I knew that the last year had been different. I knew that I'd not been as active. I knew that I was no longer a spring chicken either. Yet significant calorie reduction and spending hours at the gym didn't net one lost pound. The numbers on the scale kept going up.

In searching for an answer I ran across an article about iodine. Many of the symptoms seemed to fit. I went straight out the next day and bought a bottle of kelp supplements. Kelp is naturally rich in iodine. Iodine is necessary for your body to function properly and an absolute must for proper thyroid function. Let me tell you, within a very short period of time the scaly, flaky skin disappeared. I continued taking the kelp daily but the positive effects were not increasing to the level that I'd hoped. I was still so tired all the time. I had no energy at all and I still felt like I was in a fog. Desperate to feel like myself again, I continued my research. As it turns out, the tests for thyroid function are not the most reliable. "Normal" seems to have a wide range. "Normal" seems to be disputed in the medical community. I got levothyroxine on my own. The improvement was dramatic! It was almost immediate. The best thing is that my thoughts are clear! The improvement takes only days. The weight, that I'll have to work on but with my body getting back to normal, I know how to deal with that and I know my body will now be more responsive to my efforts.

I am beginning to enjoy the mornings again and beginning to do and feel more like doing simple things that most people would not think of NOT doing.

I happened to look at the salt. For the past year I'd been using uniodized salt. I'd picked it up at the store by mistake.

My iodine level was low and my thyroid was not functioning properly. My diet, once rich in seafood, had deteriorated to what was affordable instead of what was healthy. It was not rich in iodine. My body, due to the stress, was thrown into adrenal fatigue and my thyroid function was out of whack due to an iodine deficiency. The medical community does not test individuals for iodine deficiency. It is usually seen in populations rather than in individuals. The combination of events in my life and change in diet and activity level meant that it was easy for everyone to assume I was on the old pity pot rather than be concerned there was something medically wrong.

I am on my way back to being me and feeling more positive everyday.


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

Welcome to the forum.

Wow...that's a lot to read! Can you just sum up your thyroid-related issues for a quicker read and response?


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

JustMe said:


> It's July and my birthday is approaching. It's at this time that I realize what's about to happen. The company that I work for, that I helped to build, has, in the not so distant past, hired a new CEO. He has it in for me. I've signed the biggest account of the year and Mr. CEO doesn't like it. In fact, Mr. CEO dislikes it so much that he changes the structure of the sales department. He cuts MY commission; yes I said my commission, as in only mine, by 11 percent. He decides to take away accounts. What this does is take away over half of my income. He gives that income to men, men who have done nothing to earn commission on the accounts that I signed. I could go on.
> 
> The effects felt from an income loss of that caliber are significant. In hindsight, I wish I'd taken legal action instead of being so stupidly loyal. It's time for payday and my income, which had been declining over the past six months, takes an eight thousand dollar dive. In addition, he's holding my expense report - again. It was not out of the ordinary for him and his minion to delay paying for several months. Yes, I was financing the company's travel and entertainment and losing ground. While I paid interest on credit cards I'd never carried a balance on before, these two laughed their way to the bank as my life and my son's life crumbled.
> 
> ...


The failing economy has hurt a lot of us and I am so sorry that these things have happened to you.

Is there some way we can help you? Do you have questions, do you need some emotional support? We are here for you if needed. Venting is good. We listen.

It is not unusual for a major life upheaval which is considered trauma to trigger autoimmune disease which has been lying dormant.

Hopefully you will get back on your feet and will be able to seek proper medical diagnosis and intervention.


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## Mocknbird2 (Nov 8, 2011)

I was also raised middle class and married well. That was great til the divorce. My thyroid crashed again. Major weight gain very quickly, extreme depression, always tired, but trouble sleeping well......... after years of thyroid problems, and all the bad stuff associated with them (depression, bi polar, overweight, extremely thin hair, bad teeth, some of which led to addiction (to self medicate my weight, chronic pain, and depression), being fired twice in a row despite excellent work, (was it my mood swings???) I pretty much gave up after the second firing, a breakup of a five year relation ship, and a car accident all the same day. 
Anyways, I used to have it pretty sweet. Now, by most standards, my life SUCKS!

I guess I'm saying; count your blessings. I was considered a winner once upon a time. admired by all. 
You still have a LOT going for you. 
I recently heard that half of all americans live on less than 20K a year. Despite being intelligent, educated, well traveled, ethical and not too hard on the eyes (if I don't show my recently broken and crumbling teeth) I'm unemployed, disabled, (possibly because of issues secondary to the thyroid thing untreated for 30 years) and living on just over 10 k a year. It can always be worse......try to count your blessings. For example, I'm happy to have a home, friends, etc. 
Good luck, I'm glad things are looking up for you. But please......realize that bill collectors are evil and immoral.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

Mocknbird2 said:


> I was also raised middle class and married well. That was great til the divorce. My thyroid crashed again. Major weight gain very quickly, extreme depression, always tired, but trouble sleeping well......... after years of thyroid problems, and all the bad stuff associated with them (depression, bi polar, overweight, extremely thin hair, bad teeth, some of which led to addiction (to self medicate my weight, chronic pain, and depression), being fired twice in a row despite excellent work, (was it my mood swings???) I pretty much gave up after the second firing, a breakup of a five year relation ship, and a car accident all the same day.
> Anyways, I used to have it pretty sweet. Now, by most standards, my life SUCKS!
> 
> I guess I'm saying; count your blessings. I was considered a winner once upon a time. admired by all.
> ...


I love what you wrote. When things get tough, the tough get going. Me and hubby too!

So what? We are still alive and every day brings a joy!

God bless you; I love your attitude.

Remember this:

"The pendulum always swings the other way!" Good times will come again!


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