# Guilt trip



## interpret77 (Apr 10, 2012)

Over the last week, my own family has started getting very upset with me because I am not giving THEM the praise that they feel they deserve for their support. It makes me feel so small and like my cancer has just become something for them to look at me and say "Get over it, it's just thyroid cancer." Well, you know what? It sucks. I'm glad I have this group of people that understands that. Just didn't know if anyone else was given this type of "guilt trip". Instead of showing compassion, I'm being bombarded with "Where's my recognition for what I have done for you?" type attitudes. It has been the most selfish acts of childishness I have ever seen. I deserve my own moments to say "You know what I have CANCER....ME. I'm just so sad and frustrated and wondered if any of you have experienced such ridiculousness. :sad0049:


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## webster2 (May 19, 2011)

I am so sorry that they are making you feel like this. It is indeed cancer, and that plays heavily on one's mind and body. If they feel they need a medal for being kind, then their intentions were self serving. Focus on yourself, feel free to seek out support here, anytime.

Hearing the word cancer, associated with your own body, is a bit unnerving. It is not "just thyroid cancer". Taking time to emotionally and physically to adapt to living without a thyroid can be a challenge.

It took me a lot longer than I expected to adjust. One of the things that I found the hardest, but really is not an issue to most "normal people" was my hair. I had always had very thick curly hair. I lost a ton but it was, and still is, straight but it was also dry like hay. It was awful. I was also tired and cranky. Maybe I was cranky because I was mourning the person I no longer was...I don't know.

It takes time to find the new normal. Having support on that journey is essential. If you can't find it at home, it certainly I abundant here. I was so grateful to find this community when I was at an all time low.

Hang in there! It does get better!


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

interpret77 said:


> Over the last week, my own family has started getting very upset with me because I am not giving THEM the praise that they feel they deserve for their support. It makes me feel so small and like my cancer has just become something for them to look at me and say "Get over it, it's just thyroid cancer." Well, you know what? It sucks. I'm glad I have this group of people that understands that. Just didn't know if anyone else was given this type of "guilt trip". Instead of showing compassion, I'm being bombarded with "Where's my recognition for what I have done for you?" type attitudes. It has been the most selfish acts of childishness I have ever seen. I deserve my own moments to say "You know what I have CANCER....ME. I'm just so sad and frustrated and wondered if any of you have experienced such ridiculousness. :sad0049:


After my personal ordeal, I no long hob nob with family and former so-called friends.

It's a whole new ball game for me now. Counseling helped "me" a lot!

We care.................a lot! And I don't think a single person here is here for any sort of praise.


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## interpret77 (Apr 10, 2012)

webster2 said:


> It took me a lot longer than I expected to adjust. One of the things that I found the hardest, but really is not an issue to most "normal people" was my hair. I had always had very thick curly hair. I lost a ton but it was, and still is, straight but it was also dry like hay. It was awful. I was also tired and cranky. Maybe I was cranky because I was mourning the person I no longer was...I don't know.


Today I went to lunch with a friend...after lunch I looked down and the whole front of my shirt was COVERED in hair. I was devastated. I just had my RAI a week and a half ago, so I wasn't too surprised. I love how you describe you are mourning the person you no longer was. That makes so much sense to me!!!!!!!!!!


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## Octavia (Aug 1, 2011)

interpret77, that stinks that the people who you thought were your support system are asking for such recognition. I just think unless someone has dealt with something similar (or worse), they just don't get it. You probably have some people in your "circle" who are more supportive than others, though...at least I hope you do. But don't hesitate to try counseling if you think it would help you work through some of what you're dealing with.

I do hope your hair loss passes quickly...but as a friendly "warning," you might want to prepare yourself for it to last 3 to 6 months. It has done that for several of us. But it will stop, and your hair will grow back.

:hugs:


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## redmoon (May 14, 2012)

My family didn't show up at all through my ordeal, other than a few "Likes" on Facebook. I totally get it!

What my journey has taught me is in a very deep way, my friends are my family. They've delivered food every day since my surgery, taken my youngest child out to play while I've been recovering, spent the night with movies and wine and didn't laugh when I ran out of voice. Barring a couple of exceptions, my family didn't even call me- not even when I found out I had cancer.

It sounds so trite, and I do not want to diminish the grieving you have to do right now (because you do, or this wouldn't be coming up for you). When you can see the reflection in the people around you, the people who CHOOSE to be there, you see how important you are and what you give to others. Your family does NOT count in this. Do not look at your family to reflect your value to the world- they can not do it.

Grieve these revelations, go through the anger and all of it- this is part of the healing that comes with this process, at least in my experience. It has been a deep uncovering for me, I hope that you are able to reap the gifts that having a cancer that is so easily treated brings.

When I am with a pregnant client who is going to give birth, I tell her, "Tell the people around you that you do not want to hear their horror stories, you are open and vulnerable to them in a way you aren't when you're not pregnant." I would say the same to you- limit your exposure to family who you experience as selfish. You are vulnerable right now and you must care for yourself, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally too.

We've got your back. And your neck.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

redmoon said:


> My family didn't show up at all through my ordeal, other than a few "Likes" on Facebook. I totally get it!
> 
> What my journey has taught me is in a very deep way, my friends are my family. They've delivered food every day since my surgery, taken my youngest child out to play while I've been recovering, spent the night with movies and wine and didn't laugh when I ran out of voice. Barring a couple of exceptions, my family didn't even call me- not even when I found out I had cancer.
> 
> ...


Love your post and what you have said. Thank you so much and I know you are looking forward to taking care of yourself here soon?


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## joplin1975 (Jul 21, 2011)

I think, a lot of times, what you are hearing is friends and family in denial. My husband was trying to get me to go on our pre-planned two week hiking trip to the Rockies...HR wanted to leave 4 days after surgery. Yeah, suuuuure buddy. He just didn't want to "hear" cancer.

Meanwhile, my mother in law sent a long dramatic email to everyone about how her son's wife was dying. 

People are strange...and they get stranger when you throw health issues into the mix. Just focus on you and your recovery and...never ever be afraid to play the cancer card.  I'm still having fun with it 10 months later!


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## redmoon (May 14, 2012)

Andros, I had surgery on Friday. Still recovering from that, but no cancer was found in my lymph nodes so I'm all done! Woot!


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## Georgie73 (Jun 27, 2012)

Interpret77....you're not alone in how you're feeling. I experienced the same type of thing. I had a few visitors at the hospital the day I had my surgery, but then after that, everyone seemed to disappear. My husband was there, of course, but accused me of "borrowing trouble" by trying to research and learn as much as I can about what I may be facing. My mother never came to visit after I went home because "it was too far". 20 minutes is too far I guess. Same for my sister and all of my friends. I never saw a single one of them.

So, now, I don't talk about my cancer at home...it upsets my husband because he's decided I'm going to be fine, so move on. And the rest of my family has gone back to their own lives and worries.

This forum is AWESOME!! You've found a terrific place to ask questions, vent frustrations, read about others struggles and triumphs, and laugh along the way. It's been a wonderful resource for me, and I'm very glad you found it, too!!

You're not alone...you have TONS of friends right here!!!


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