# Living through Graves



## itslaksh (Dec 11, 2009)

Hi,

My husband suffers from graves disease. After experimenting with the methimazole levels for sometime his doctor decided that he is not responding well to changes in medication levels and he needs a stable dose. Past few years he has been having a stable dose of medication and he seems to be normal. I have a few questions. I would like to get the perspective of somebody who is suffering from thyroid issues.

I know hyperthyrodism causes lot of emotional problems making the sufferer easily upset and irritatable. My husband has physically and verbally abused me during those periods and behaved extremely erratically. He is normally a very mature and calm person. I saw a dramatic turnaround in his behavior after he was put back on the right medication level. Though he is stable for the past 2 years there have been periods when he has abused me despite his thyroxine levels being under control.

I feel depressed, angry, helpless, humiliated and sometimes just plain unlucky whenever I think of those periods. So I am not able to sign off all of his abuse because of his thyroid condition. However I might be just acting out of ignorace and his thyroid issue might still be causing issues for him. But bottom line having seen him suffer I feel compassionate towards him and I still love him a lot. So I want to help him out.

The medication does not cure his condition and might just be supressing the problem. Can somebody who is suffering from the problem give me more perspective. How does it feel like to live through this disorder. I know you have heat intolerance, palpitations, fast heart rate and mood swings. I don't get much information from my husband. So I really don't know what he is going through. How do we support somebody who is going through this condition? Both me and my husband are very much into yoga and meditation and this has tremendrously helped us. We have also changed into vegetarians.

Any information is very much appreciated. I would like to extend a helping hand to my husband and do the best I can support him as a wife. Please share your input.

Regards, Kavya.


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## chopper (Mar 4, 2007)

itslaksh said:


> Hi,
> 
> My husband suffers from graves disease. After experimenting with the methimazole levels for sometime his doctor decided that he is not responding well to changes in medication levels and he needs a stable dose. Past few years he has been having a stable dose of medication and he seems to be normal. I have a few questions. I would like to get the perspective of somebody who is suffering from thyroid issues.
> 
> ...


Hello and welcome. I can tell you that I am a married man and it has not been easy for my wife. I too have a tendency to lash out at others and although it's not a proper excuse, it is because it is frustrating to feel unwell for so long. The disease is relentless.

Imagine having the common flu. Now imagine waking up every day waiting for the fever to go down and the lungs to breathe more easily and it just never happens. Each day you wake up it's the same story - nothing changes from the day before. After days, weeks, then years you start to think you'll never be well. You just get used to feeling crappy after a while and that in itself sucks.

There is no reason to hit anyone - ever. You're there for support, not to be someone else's punching bag. I have never hit my wife nor anyone else. I have put my fist through a wall or two years back when my hyper symptoms were worse but I manage to control that as well. He needs to realize how much he needs you to be there for him. It sounds like you are doing all you can. In the end, it is HIS problem, not yours and he must learn to deal with it properly.

I will say it is EXTREMELY frustrating to try to carry on normal family life when you are dizzy/shaky/hot, etc.

I literally just got back from Chuck E. Cheese - a video arcade game place with the wife and kids and I was uncomfortable the whole time there. The lights of the games bothered me. It was hot and crowded. I just could not enjoy myself like everyone else did and that frustrates the hell out of me. Sure I put on a happy face and did enjoy watching the kids have a great time but I just didn't feel right there. I don't think it makes me angry but a more proper term would be frustration. Why do I have to have this? Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have all these crazy symptoms all the time? These are the questions we ask ourselves all the time. Pent up frustration or not, he must learn to deal with it properly. A punching bag in the garage or something similar might help with those episodes - something that will allow him to blow off some steam and be as aggressive as he wants without hurting anyone. The short fuse is part of it. We can go from zero to 300 in two seconds - I think they call it "Graves' Rage" but again, it's no excuse to hit anyone.

I know my wife would be out the door in a heartbeat if I ever put a hand on her and I would never think of it regardless of how crappy I feel. I don't think that's right no matter what the condition is.

Perhaps some counseling would help in addition to getting his thyroid nuked with RAI to actually solve the problem instead of put a bandage on it with meds. Meds rarely do much for Graves disease. It may help the symtpoms for a while but in the long run he's always going to be messed up until that out of control thyroid is gone.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

itslaksh said:
 

> Hi,
> 
> My husband suffers from graves disease. After experimenting with the methimazole levels for sometime his doctor decided that he is not responding well to changes in medication levels and he needs a stable dose. Past few years he has been having a stable dose of medication and he seems to be normal. I have a few questions. I would like to get the perspective of somebody who is suffering from thyroid issues.
> 
> ...


I am amazed that my husband stood by me and still loves me. I also found counseling to be beneficial to both of us. Chronic illness of a loved one is PTSS for real.

Here is a letter I wish I could have gotten into your hands sooner.
http://home.rica.net/deecee/information.htm

In sickness and in health! You are a wonderful woman to have stood by him. Both of you will heal given time and "love!"


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## itslaksh (Dec 11, 2009)

Hi,

Thanks for your response. I really appreciate your input. Unfortunately my husband had a bout of uncontrolled hyperthyroid just after I delivered my baby. And the result was disastrous. I ended up with postpartum depression and have just not been able to get over the abuse. Two of us having hormonal imbalances at the same time causes total imbalance in the house. In my anger I have also lashed verbally at him and told him bad things. We have tried counseling and a range of other things like yoga and meditation. But the healing is still slow. I need to understand that it is the disease and not the person.
I would like to know what techniques couples used specifically to cope and support each other. Has alternative medicine been helpful? We tried homeopathy and it did not work. Right now we are trying ayurveda. We do yoga and meditation everyday and that has put our life in the proper direction. Please do share your input.

Regards,
Kavya.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

itslaksh said:


> Hi,
> 
> Thanks for your response. I really appreciate your input. Unfortunately my husband had a bout of uncontrolled hyperthyroid just after I delivered my baby. And the result was disastrous. I ended up with postpartum depression and have just not been able to get over the abuse. Two of us having hormonal imbalances at the same time causes total imbalance in the house. In my anger I have also lashed verbally at him and told him bad things. We have tried counseling and a range of other things like yoga and meditation. But the healing is still slow. I need to understand that it is the disease and not the person.
> I would like to know what techniques couples used specifically to cope and support each other. Has alternative medicine been helpful? We tried homeopathy and it did not work. Right now we are trying ayurveda. We do yoga and meditation everyday and that has put our life in the proper direction. Please do share your input.
> ...


Kavya.................it is important to forgive each other, of course. But, I do believe the key is for each one of you to forgive your own selves. If everyone is guilt tripping all the time, that in and of it's self becomes "enabling."

"Stuff" happens; for the child's sake, both of you need to move forward. It happened, it's over and life is good. Try to remember why you both loved each other in the first place.

I always prefer to reduce things to simpler terms.


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## itslaksh (Dec 11, 2009)

Well said Andro. I am trying my best to forgive and move on. Its been a hard journey. I need to realize that it is the disease and not the person. What irks me the most is he continued his abuse even when his thyroid was under control with meds. He went right back for his blood work and it showed that it was normal. How do I explain such behavior. Disease or personality?

Kavya.



Andros said:


> Kavya.................it is important to forgive each other, of course. But, I do believe the key is for each one of you to forgive your own selves. If everyone is guilt tripping all the time, that in and of it's self becomes "enabling."
> 
> "Stuff" happens; for the child's sake, both of you need to move forward. It happened, it's over and life is good. Try to remember why you both loved each other in the first place.
> 
> I always prefer to reduce things to simpler terms.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

itslaksh said:


> Well said Andro. I am trying my best to forgive and move on. Its been a hard journey. I need to realize that it is the disease and not the person. What irks me the most is he continued his abuse even when his thyroid was under control with meds. He went right back for his blood work and it showed that it was normal. How do I explain such behavior. Disease or personality?
> 
> Kavya.


Normal range does not mean normal for that particular person. I wonder if he has had a FREE T3 test, FREE T4 along w/TSH?

I wonder if his antibodies have been checked recently also. If they are still raging, even though the above numbers come in in normal range, he could still be quite ill.

To be honest with you, even though medical intervention has taken place, it takes about 18 months to 2 years for the body to heal and that is "provided" the patient is placed on the proper thyroxine and sufficient amount for that patient until that patient feels well. It is a constant titration process. I saw my doctor every 8 weeks for the longest time to complete this titration process and from time to time some tweaking is required as well.


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## itslaksh (Dec 11, 2009)

Thanks, your input is quite helpful. I am tired of this constant titration. I hope we find a solution quickly. I will post the blood results as soon as possible.

Thanks,
Kavya


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

itslaksh said:


> Thanks, your input is quite helpful. I am tired of this constant titration. I hope we find a solution quickly. I will post the blood results as soon as possible.
> 
> Thanks,
> Kavya


It would be the same if you or your partner had diabetes, cancer, Lupus or whatever. Life changes when one has chronic illness. Either you are going to hang tough or not. Bottom line.

It's all about choices. I speak from great experience and I do mean great!

We are here for you! Everyone needs a place to discuss daily trials and challenges.

Sending hugs and be brave; this too shall pass............


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## Nova (Nov 12, 2009)

I have been off here for a while due to a recent illness I am coping with and just saw all these posts. First of all, welcome, this is such a great place to get support and education about thyroid disease and Grave's disease specifically. Second, yes, Grave's can ravage everything about our lives, including our relationships, but really as Andros said, it's about choices. We all exerience the hellish symptoms and sometimes they are worse than anyone knows but that is no excuse to become abusive to those who love and care for us in our down times. No one deserves to be abused or feel afraid in their relationship. You are doing the right thing by reaching out and asking questions. If you are interested, there are support groups for persons who have experienced abuse in a relationship which can help you to have the strength and energy you need at this time as it sounds like you are also suffering some health issues as well and need support and encouragement too!! Please always think of your little one - both of you. You are responsible to that little being and they deserve the best from you which can be really hard to do right now - which is why you have to make an active effort to get things more stable in the house!! Best wishes to you both. This is such an aweful combo for the two of you to be suffering under the same roof! The answer is in your heart already, you are the only one who knows what the right thing to do is! Here's to getting those levels under control soon - cheers!


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## itslaksh (Dec 11, 2009)

Thanks for the welcome Nora. We are in the process of healing. I am worried that my husband condition has become hypothyroid and I am afraid the effect it may have on his behavior. I am also afraid if my son might inherit the condition. I don't want to sound selfish here but given my past experience I am really jittery.

Thanks,
Kavya


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## Nova (Nov 12, 2009)

Hi Kavya, do you mind if I ask - does your husband have any other conditions which may also be contributing to his behavior such as bipolar disorder, depression, or autism? It's not uncommon that someone who abuses their spouse may have more than one issue going on as well. Grave's does make us quite cranky though and you are right, it is possible that your children in common may inherit the condition - but not certain, so don't sweat it too soon until you know. I hope you can find some time during this busy season to take a little time out for you to renew your energy!


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## itslaksh (Dec 11, 2009)

Hi Nora,

He has not been diagnosed with any other condition. Prior to this problem we had a happy marriage of 5 years. However my postpartum depression and his illness both made recovery very tough. Even now I am not seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully I will come out soon.

Regards,
Kavya.



Nova said:


> Hi Kavya, do you mind if I ask - does your husband have any other conditions which may also be contributing to his behavior such as bipolar disorder, depression, or autism? It's not uncommon that someone who abuses their spouse may have more than one issue going on as well. Grave's does make us quite cranky though and you are right, it is possible that your children in common may inherit the condition - but not certain, so don't sweat it too soon until you know. I hope you can find some time during this busy season to take a little time out for you to renew your energy!


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