# having a horrible day/venting



## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Hi folks,

Just looking for some support (I may do this a lot for the next few weeks; I don't expect responses all the time but I need a place to vent with folks who understand as opposed to friends and family whose time I have already taken too much of). I've come into my academic office today and have been trying this afternoon to focus, but I'm so caught up with having Graves and needing to choose between RAI and surgery that I can't think straight; my thyroid levels are normal right now via methimazole so I can't quite blame it on that, just on my mental state which is not good. I ran into some work folks and talked to them briefly about my need to make a decision; everyone's sympathetic but no one can really help. And not getting work done makes me feel like crap but I'm finding thinking about all this, and worrying, so all-consuming. I'm supposed to be trying to focus on creating syllabi for the fall term and ordering books....and I just can't. I actually had a good night out last night with friends and I've got a yoga class to go to in an hour and am getting together with a friend after that, but I'm just so damn depressed. I know one is supposed to rise above/triumph over illnesss as best one can--especially something like Graves--but I am doing a really, really bad job, especially today.


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## chopper (Mar 4, 2007)

The decision is half the battle. I have just gone through this myself and I am choosing surgery but the back and forth was killing me. Assuming you are informed, make the decision and stick with it. You will then have something different to focus on.

The indecision is painful. Eventually you must choose. It might as well be sonner rather than later. Hang in there. You'll be ok.


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## hillaryedrn (Dec 14, 2009)

:hugs: Vent all you need!! That is what we are here for!


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

nasdaqphil said:


> The decision is half the battle. I have just gone through this myself and I am choosing surgery but the back and forth was killing me. Assuming you are informed, make the decision and stick with it. You will then have something different to focus on.
> 
> The indecision is painful. Eventually you must choose. It might as well be sonner rather than later. Hang in there. You'll be ok.


nasdaqphil-- yes, the back and forth IS killing me. One minute I think "fine, take it out"--and the next I think "am I out of my mind when I don't have to do it this way?" It's driving me crazy. Someone else recommended I give myself 6 months, but having this hanging over my head has a good chance of making me even crazier....anyway, how did you come to your decision? (if you don't mind my asking).


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Just venting again. Got 2 Graves' disease books in the mail today -- Elaine Moore's and Mary Shomon's. Normally I like books, but I am depressed to have these to read. Plus it's like information overload--I feel like I just can't handle it all. I just want my life back and for none of this to be happening--which I know is childish.


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## AussieGirl (Feb 28, 2010)

Hi there lhc11, hang in there. Totally understand your frustration. I found the more I read, the more confused and frustrated I got (I've got Ridha Arem's The Thyroid Solution) but I did learn alot more about GD and it did help me realise I was not losing my mind. I think the real problem was that I didn't want to do either (surgery or RAI), but that's not an option. Once I accepted that I HAD to choose (not easy!), I opted for the surgery (having it on May 24th) because I just wanted it over with asap. I feel that there is too much uncertainty with RAI and I just want my life back. Keep on venting - that helps too


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## sidpb (Jan 2, 2010)

Hey lhc11! I just thought I'd put in my 2 cents. I opted for surgery mostly because of the problems and discussions on this board with RAI and meds. I did have to go on the Methimazole for almost 2 weeks to try to get my ranges down to normal so they could take it out but it was making my liver have problems so I had to go off it and they just removed my thyroid in it's "hyper" state. I wanted what would be the quickest route to feeling healthy again. It seemed the meds only lasted for a year or two if they worked at all and then you had all your problems all over again. The RAI was a hassle with not being around people for awhile because you were "toxic" to others {YIKES} and the dumping did not sound fun, nor the fact I didn't hear from anyone that it worked the first time, and had to be done 2 or 3 times. Also some said their thyroid came back and had to be removed anyway. Seemed like the best solution to me. Surgery was NOT painful at all for me. Took some childrens motrin upon arriving home the next day, then no other meds of any kind. Even my endo who was not a fan of surgery said it was probably the best way to go for me. Hope this helps and good luck with your decision. nasdaqphil is right, once you make your decision stick with it and don't let anyone sway you!


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

lhc11 said:


> Hi folks,
> 
> Just looking for some support (I may do this a lot for the next few weeks; I don't expect responses all the time but I need a place to vent with folks who understand as opposed to friends and family whose time I have already taken too much of). I've come into my academic office today and have been trying this afternoon to focus, but I'm so caught up with having Graves and needing to choose between RAI and surgery that I can't think straight; my thyroid levels are normal right now via methimazole so I can't quite blame it on that, just on my mental state which is not good. I ran into some work folks and talked to them briefly about my need to make a decision; everyone's sympathetic but no one can really help. And not getting work done makes me feel like crap but I'm finding thinking about all this, and worrying, so all-consuming. I'm supposed to be trying to focus on creating syllabi for the fall term and ordering books....and I just can't. I actually had a good night out last night with friends and I've got a yoga class to go to in an hour and am getting together with a friend after that, but I'm just so damn depressed. I know one is supposed to rise above/triumph over illnesss as best one can--especially something like Graves--but I am doing a really, really bad job, especially today.


I personally did find that while on anti-thyroid med, my emotions were all over the place even though supposedly according to the labs I was at a good place. I never ever felt well on anti-thyroid and that is why I made the decision to get rid of the "monstor in me!" explode

I have no regrets. My mind is now intact and emotions under control.


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Thanks to everyone for their answers and suppport. Woke up this morning anxious and depressed, and also with heart palpitations and a pretty high pulse rate (92 or so per minute) which I think was caused by having gone off the beta-blocker (metoprolol) 2 days ago on my endo's instructions after we also decreased the methimazole to 20 mg/day. So this morning I took 50 mg (half of the original prescription, or rather 1/4th, since I had been taking 100mg twice a day since March 30th) and called the on-call endocrinologist, who said to take the 50 mg 2x/day over the weekend and then maybe go to 25mg 2x/day on Monday. After, presumably, I play phone tag with the nurses at my endo's office.

I continue to be depressed and confused and unable to focus; I think I have a fantasy that taking the thyroid out will somehow fix this, but I also know that's a fantasy and am just made so miserable by the thought that actually things could get worse rather than better....


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

AussieGirl said:


> Hi there lhc11, hang in there. Totally understand your frustration. I found the more I read, the more confused and frustrated I got (I've got Ridha Arem's The Thyroid Solution) but I did learn alot more about GD and it did help me realise I was not losing my mind. I think the real problem was that I didn't want to do either (surgery or RAI), but that's not an option. Once I accepted that I HAD to choose (not easy!), I opted for the surgery (having it on May 24th) because I just wanted it over with asap. I feel that there is too much uncertainty with RAI and I just want my life back. Keep on venting - that helps too


Hi AussieGirl -- thanks for the kind words. I'm going to be very interested to hear how your surgery goes. Are they taking the whole thing out? B/c that's what they'll be doing with me if I go that route. And I am really nervous about it, but I agree with you about the RAI uncertainty which I increasingly don't think I can live with. And yes, I am definitely in that state of hating to make a choice between two awful choices. I guess I should go with my gut feeling--which seems to point to surgery--but then I question what my motives are, and whether they're the right ones (wanting it over with, wanting someone else to take care of the problem, not wanting to prep for the radio-iodine thing, etc) and whether I'm really thinking straight about all the possible complications/risks. How long has it taken you to make your decision???


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

lhc11 said:


> Thanks to everyone for their answers and suppport. Woke up this morning anxious and depressed, and also with heart palpitations and a pretty high pulse rate (92 or so per minute) which I think was caused by having gone off the beta-blocker (metoprolol) 2 days ago on my endo's instructions after we also decreased the methimazole to 20 mg/day. So this morning I took 50 mg (half of the original prescription, or rather 1/4th, since I had been taking 100mg twice a day since March 30th) and called the on-call endocrinologist, who said to take the 50 mg 2x/day over the weekend and then maybe go to 25mg 2x/day on Monday. After, presumably, I play phone tag with the nurses at my endo's office.
> 
> I continue to be depressed and confused and unable to focus; I think I have a fantasy that taking the thyroid out will somehow fix this, but I also know that's a fantasy and am just made so miserable by the thought that actually things could get worse rather than better....


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm; there is no reason things shouldn't get better if you decide to ablate your thyroid. It won't happen over night because your body needs to heal but it will happen.

All you have to do is take your thyroxine replacement and make sure the doc keeps your TSH down around 1 or less so you can get pregnant. As a matter of fact, you do need to find a really good ob/gyn who understands all this hormone stuff.

And may I just say that unless you put all this in motion, it isn't going to happen.

Sending hugs,


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Hi Andros,

Well, it is all in motion...in the sense that I've got both procedures scheduled, it's the issue of picking one. And yes, my husband and I are realizing we will probably have to consult with a very specialized ob-gyn and/or fertility specialist (who will not be covered by insurance) to help us with all this. God--today I can't stop googling/reading things about being hypothyroid, gaining weight, etc. I need to at least go clean my house and do something other than think about my thyroid problems, but it's so hard.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

lhc11 said:


> Hi Andros,
> 
> Well, it is all in motion...in the sense that I've got both procedures scheduled, it's the issue of picking one. And yes, my husband and I are realizing we will probably have to consult with a very specialized ob-gyn and/or fertility specialist (who will not be covered by insurance) to help us with all this. God--today I can't stop googling/reading things about being hypothyroid, gaining weight, etc. I need to at least go clean my house and do something other than think about my thyroid problems, but it's so hard.


I manage my weight well. It is not all that easy but it is important to me so I do it. Bottom line. In truth; one can do anything one puts their mind to.

I do not eat what others eat. And I don't feel sorry about it either. I am glad. Attitude attitude. Hee, hee!


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## GD Women (Mar 5, 2007)

It's a matter of personal preference for neither option are not a 100% guarantee.

I am glad I didn't have a computer back then. It makes it all the more unnecessarily confusing and scary.

Good luck with your decision option. You'll make the right decision and option that fits you. So try not to stress too much about it - you'll be Ok with either option.

Weight is a matter of genetics and what is put in ones mouth.:rolleyes:


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

GD Women said:


> It's a matter of personal preference for neither option are not a 100% guarantee.
> 
> I am glad I didn't have a computer back then. It makes it all the more unnecessarily confusing and scary.
> 
> ...


Life was simpler once upon a time; wasn't it??? Lots of choices today. That is good and that is bad...................sometimes.


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Andros said:


> Life was simpler once upon a time; wasn't it??? Lots of choices today. That is good and that is bad...................sometimes.


It's terrible to say, but I wish I didn't have a choice: I wish they were telling me "you must have the surgery" as happens with many other people. I was just vacuuming and thinking "fine, surgery it is" -- but now I'm back online reading abstracts of medical articles about antibodies, prediction of remission, etc. My endo said that I was so hyper (started out on 4/1 with FT3 at 18.45, FT4 at 4.84;not sure about TSH but it has stayed pretty low as of the last test for it (5/4), .04 or so; as of this week FT3 was 3.6 (range of 2.0-4.9) and FT3 was .84 (range of .75-1.54) that she doesn't think I will go into true remission. I'm so confused, though: should I be fighting to stay on the drugs since I'm responding to them well, or switch to PTU (which I know runs the big danger of liver damage), or just do the surgery and deal with the results? One thing I'm realizing is that I'm just not sure I can handle the uncertainty of the RAI. Maybe that makes my decision for me?? Sorry for the constant posting. I am really freaking out about all of this.


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Well, and then I just read this in a 2010 medical article (an endocrinology journal from scotland): "the optimal duration of antithyroid drug therapy for the titration regimen is 12 to 18 months." I already knew this, but the thing is, if I want to try to have a child (which I still do, hard though it is probably going to be), I don't have 12-18 months to just wait and see....I need to do something and have done with it. Sounds like surgery, doesn't it?


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## chopper (Mar 4, 2007)

I made my decision because I lost 8 years of life to this crap and am done with it. It's affected my family life, kids, etc. Im just done. If surgery is my "magic pill" than I am opting for that and have it all over with. I cannot imagine things being much worse so surgery is what I am choosing. I am not looking forward to it. I never had surgery in my life. Im not thrilled at 39 years old to remove a body part but what the hell good is the current situation? Nothing is being fixed so I made a decision and Im sticking with it. Everyone's got to make their own decision. Do what's best for YOU - but it sounds like it's been long enough...it's time to rid yourself of that defective body part one way or another and get yourself on the road to recovery.

If you watch your meds carefully, there is no reason to be hypo at all. Take your pill, get your blood checked and you'll be "as normal" as you were before this all started. Instead of thinking about it in the short term which is scary, think about it after the fact. Literally a day or two after surgery you will start feeling normal again if all goes well. Think beyond the procedure itself. How much fun is life the way it is right now? Do you prefer to waste the next 8 years as I have done or get it over with and be well? I know I am soooo going kick myself in the butt for not getting it done sooner. I essentially wasted my entire 30's with heart palps, anxiety, tiredness, muscle weakness, hot, etc....those were supposed to be terrific years and they just weren't. Years in which I had my two kids, got married, bought a home, etc....all really great things except it was all marred in one way or another by me not feeling 100%. Im done with it. If you are not there yet, eventually you too will get ****ed off enough to finalize a decision. Expecting a change while doing nothing makes no sense at all. I already regret waiting so long. It doesn't have to be that bad.


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## AussieGirl (Feb 28, 2010)

Yes, they are taking the whole thing out. For me, this is the 2nd time around. I was diagnosed with GD about 6 months after my father passed away back in 2005. I went into remission after about 9 months on PTU (started with methimazole but was going bald so switched). Thought I had 'beaten it' although Endo said it always comes back (I didn't really believe him at the time).

It came back with a vengeance this time. I ended up at the hospital emergency with a heart rate around 150 and an irregular heart beat in early March. Looking back at how I was feeling and acting over Christmas, it probably started coming back in December but had lots going on and didn't see it. It seemed to feel much much worse than the first time (as Endo had suggested it would) and has really knocked me around. I don't have it in me to go through this again, which really helped with the decision.

The other thing I did to help with the decision (don't laugh) is to make a list of the factors which would influence my decision, the things that matter to me. For example: resolution certainty, time to treatment, recovery time, gut feel about the treatment, impact to my family/friends/work colleagues, risk, etc. I evaluated both options against this list and had my choice. Each time I started to doubt my choice, I'd go back to this list and it would reassure me that I had made the right choice for me. It also helped with knowing which questions to ask, and what specific things to look out for when reading up on GD and treatments.

I had to wait for my levels to be within range before my Endo would refer me to a surgeon, so I used that time to 'get used to' my decision. Getting the levels right took about 2 months which was twice as long as the endo and I thought it would take. I've been on 200mg of PTU per day (2 tablets twice a day) and was _just_ within range last week. The list came out several times during those 2 months, each time strengthened my resolve. I also think that having the levels within range helped me think a bit more clearly as I wasn't feeling so anxious and all over the place.

I'm not too nervous (at the moment, anyway!). The only 'doubts' I have are not about surgery or RAI, they are about surgery or this just going away without me doing anything, which I know is just silly and is not going to happen.

Looking forward to letting you know it all went well and that I'm feeling great.


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

nasdaqphil said:


> I made my decision because I lost 8 years of life to this crap and am done with it. It's affected my family life, kids, etc. Im just done. If surgery is my "magic pill" than I am opting for that and have it all over with. I cannot imagine things being much worse so surgery is what I am choosing. I am not looking forward to it. I never had surgery in my life. Im not thrilled at 39 years old to remove a body part but what the hell good is the current situation? Nothing is being fixed so I made a decision and Im sticking with it. Everyone's got to make their own decision. Do what's best for YOU - but it sounds like it's been long enough...it's time to rid yourself of that defective body part one way or another and get yourself on the road to recovery.
> 
> If you watch your meds carefully, there is no reason to be hypo at all. Take your pill, get your blood checked and you'll be "as normal" as you were before this all started. Instead of thinking about it in the short term which is scary, think about it after the fact. Literally a day or two after surgery you will start feeling normal again if all goes well. Think beyond the procedure itself. How much fun is life the way it is right now? Do you prefer to waste the next 8 years as I have done or get it over with and be well? I know I am soooo going kick myself in the butt for not getting it done sooner. I essentially wasted my entire 30's with heart palps, anxiety, tiredness, muscle weakness, hot, etc....those were supposed to be terrific years and they just weren't. Years in which I had my two kids, got married, bought a home, etc....all really great things except it was all marred in one way or another by me not feeling 100%. Im done with it. If you are not there yet, eventually you too will get ****ed off enough to finalize a decision. Expecting a change while doing nothing makes no sense at all. I already regret waiting so long. It doesn't have to be that bad.


Hi nasdaq -- sorry to hear what a hard time you've had. I've only had the Graves I think since sometime after my miscarriage last fall, so for me right now it's like a double whammy of 1) diagnosis and 2) decision-making, but both at the very same time. I don't want to rush into anything but at the same time feel I have no choice given that the summer is all I have for recovery--and not all of it, either. I don't expect a change while doing nothing--though last night I was reading Elaine Moore's book and the section on testimonials from people who have gone the naturopathic way and gone into remission freaked me out, like I'm being irresponsible to not try that first--but I find the whole idea overwhelming (and of course, uncertain--and Aussiegirl, I think your focus on certainty and the way you made your list is just great; I should probably follow suit). At any rate, I'm having another horrible day in which all I can focus on is the Graves/my decision/my depression. In the process I'm alienating everyone in my life--my mother has had it with me (won't even discuss it any further), my (long-distance) husband, my friends....I'm just having a really really hard time, this is all coming up fast, and it's hard to disentangle what's the Graves and what is other stuff (i.e., my head). As I said above, I think I have a sick fantasy that taking out the thyroid will "take out" other stuff as well, as well as some desire to make my current psychic pain tangible....but what I'm now worrying about on top of that is that maybe I don't have the psychological wherewithal to recover well from surgery. That said, I may not have the psychological wherewithal to deal with swallowing a radioactive pill and waiting for it to work (or not), either. Sigh.....


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## chopper (Mar 4, 2007)

The psychological aspect is most likely tied to the disease itself. Do you know how many psychological meds I was scripted before my diagnosis - tons - everything from Seroquel to Xanax. If and when you make a move it will probably fix you both physically and mentally.

You are going through the logical progression. I've seen it a million times on the boards here. It's natural. I can tell you with near certainty, if you hope for wellness with one of these holistic approaches you are really wasting time but that of course is your decision. Remission is the best that can be hoped for and if it does happen, it more likely has absolutely nothing to do with some new fangled diet than it does with natural occurrence. I went into a remission for about 6 months and it was wonderful. Sure enough, the party soon ended and my symptoms came back with a vengeance. I have the TSI tests to prove it as well. My TSI went from 179 to 23 during that time and then back to 180 when it was over. I did nothing special to achieve this remission so I cannot repeat it unfortunately. I do not want to get your hopes down but the fact is a broken thyroid does not cure itself and at best, you can hope it burns itself out sometime in the next 5 to 15 years, all along having trouble, or you can address the problem head on and get it over with and get your life back - every aspect of it. Yes you owe it to yourself to explore every possibility but the possibilities should be contemplated reasonably. Will a special diet or handful of vitamins fix an autoimmune disease? It's really not likely. What the book doesn't tell you is that 90% of those people have since had RAI most likely after their remission came to an abrupt end.

I just don't want to see you waste a whole lot of life - life that could otherwise be spent feeling well instead of miserable but you need to find your own path and eventually you will. Nothing has to happen overnight.
The process is not all dissimilar with that of an alcoholic. The alcoholic knows what needs to be done but the choices for recovery are all difficult so it's easier to just keep drinking hoping something might change.


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## lhc11 (May 5, 2010)

Hi nasdaqphil (and any others still reading this thread),

I appreciate the firm response; it's helpful. I'm on here just to update; I'm having another scattered and frazzled day, and you're right, it's very possibly related to the Graves--but then again I also have a long history of anxiety/depression that I don't think was the Graves, which I do think is a more recent development, though it clearly exacerbates everything. I've made a bunch of phone calls this morning--to my psychiatrist, to my endocrinologist (or at least a nurse), to my schedule surgeon's nurse, to an integrative medicine clinic (though I couldn't get an appointment until June 8th, the day before my scheduled surgery, so I'm not sure that will do any good). And now I'm waiting on a whole bunch of return calls that could come in at any time, which is the kind of thing I tend to find stressful and distracting. I want to talk to my psychiatrist about the fact that prozac and seroquel he's got me on do not seem to be helping me much (and I've now been on the prozac for just over 2 months; I want back on zoloft, which *did* work for seven years-I've got kind of an obsession with that which I know is kind of unhealthy); I want to ask the endocrinologist about what my original antibody levels were; I want to ask about the beta-blockers I'm taking; I want to ask the surgeon's nurse about complications and about whether or not I should even undergo surgery and be made hypothyroid when I'm this depressed. I know, hopefully the hormone replacement will help with that and get me leveled out--but when I'm on all this other psychotropic stuff--which I read can raise TSH levels--it's hard to know, or will be hard to know, what is doing what to my body and mind. I could also call the semi-naturopath doctor whom my hypothyroid neighbor consults and see if I can get in to see her, but (as you say) I don't know that that will do any good. This is all so time-consuming, and I have so much other stuff to be doing that I just can't seem to concentrate on in the face of all this thyroid madness, my anxiety level, and so forth. I am trying to hold it together but it is really, really hard. It makes the idea of being knocked out for a while to be operated on actually appealing, which alarms me. I have turned into this whiny upset person whom I can't stand....I just want myself back. It's not all that clear to me that taking my thyroid out will achieve that--in fact my *huge* fear is that it will make things worse rather than better, given that hypothyroidism can exacerbate depression. Meanwhile I'm supposed to be going out of town this Thursday to join up with my husband for a family reunion of sorts, and I absolutely can't even fathom the thought of travel with all of this weighing on my mind and surgery looming over me so soon. I haven't cancelled the RAI yet....but my gut does seem to be pushing me towards surgery. I just wish I knew exactly why and could be ok with it. I also wish I was someone who was rising above this disease and dealing with it well--I feel pathetically out of control, and I'm usually someone who (when not depressed) has it together.


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## Andros (Aug 26, 2009)

lhc11 said:


> Hi nasdaqphil (and any others still reading this thread),
> 
> I appreciate the firm response; it's helpful. I'm on here just to update; I'm having another scattered and frazzled day, and you're right, it's very possibly related to the Graves--but then again I also have a long history of anxiety/depression that I don't think was the Graves, which I do think is a more recent development, though it clearly exacerbates everything. I've made a bunch of phone calls this morning--to my psychiatrist, to my endocrinologist (or at least a nurse), to my schedule surgeon's nurse, to an integrative medicine clinic (though I couldn't get an appointment until June 8th, the day before my scheduled surgery, so I'm not sure that will do any good). And now I'm waiting on a whole bunch of return calls that could come in at any time, which is the kind of thing I tend to find stressful and distracting. I want to talk to my psychiatrist about the fact that prozac and seroquel he's got me on do not seem to be helping me much (and I've now been on the prozac for just over 2 months; I want back on zoloft, which *did* work for seven years-I've got kind of an obsession with that which I know is kind of unhealthy); I want to ask the endocrinologist about what my original antibody levels were; I want to ask about the beta-blockers I'm taking; I want to ask the surgeon's nurse about complications and about whether or not I should even undergo surgery and be made hypothyroid when I'm this depressed. I know, hopefully the hormone replacement will help with that and get me leveled out--but when I'm on all this other psychotropic stuff--which I read can raise TSH levels--it's hard to know, or will be hard to know, what is doing what to my body and mind. I could also call the semi-naturopath doctor whom my hypothyroid neighbor consults and see if I can get in to see her, but (as you say) I don't know that that will do any good. This is all so time-consuming, and I have so much other stuff to be doing that I just can't seem to concentrate on in the face of all this thyroid madness, my anxiety level, and so forth. I am trying to hold it together but it is really, really hard. It makes the idea of being knocked out for a while to be operated on actually appealing, which alarms me. I have turned into this whiny upset person whom I can't stand....I just want myself back. It's not all that clear to me that taking my thyroid out will achieve that--in fact my *huge* fear is that it will make things worse rather than better, given that hypothyroidism can exacerbate depression. Meanwhile I'm supposed to be going out of town this Thursday to join up with my husband for a family reunion of sorts, and I absolutely can't even fathom the thought of travel with all of this weighing on my mind and surgery looming over me so soon. I haven't cancelled the RAI yet....but my gut does seem to be pushing me towards surgery. I just wish I knew exactly why and could be ok with it. I also wish I was someone who was rising above this disease and dealing with it well--I feel pathetically out of control, and I'm usually someone who (when not depressed) has it together.


Do you have any close family nearby? I think you need a hug and some human in your face real support at this time.

When is your surgery? Once you do this, you will calm down and become peaceful. I actually had psychotic events. It was very very frightening. I also would be driving to work (something I have done for many many years) and did not know what I was even doing in the car much less where was I going.

Thyrotoxicosis, along with its physical manifestations, can be associated with several psychiatric symptoms, including confusion, anxiety, and agitated depression.7 In severe cases, serious manifestations, including impairment in memory, orientation, and judgment; manic excitement; delusions; and hallucinations have been reported.8 As reported in this case, the most likely etiology of psychosis appears to be manifestation of psychosis secondary to uncontrolled hyperthyroidism. In the present case, effective management of the underlying endocrine disorder resulted in rapid resolution of psychotic manifestations.4,5

You may wish to read further although your concentration may also be poor right now............
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1324966/

The best I can do from afar is send you huge hugs and say a prayer for you which I am doing.

I presume you are taking anti-thyroid meds at this time?


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## MrGraves (Nov 6, 2009)

I too have battled this same exact decision to the point where, I gave up, like many people in here have said, the more I read about it, the more I am confused about it all. 
I will pray for you for God to make clear to you what is going to be best for you & to also hold steady the hands, hearts and minds of those taking care of you. oh man I feel for ya.. Ive decided to just let this kill me if thats what it comes to, me and my Lord came to a agreement with that, I took ALL my stress, worry, concern, confusion, anger, angst and pain, and put it all in a box and left it at Gods feet. Do the same and also know your in the best forum / board in the galaxy for support.

The best Advice I can offer now is, please calm down in your mind, have faith that your going to be better than just fine and start to build a confidence level instead of a stress level, this will spill over into those taking care of you, if you feel and seem confident in them, they will feel good while workin on ya. If you seem scared (and who could blame you) and un confident, they will be scared and just as un confident. This disease has brought me closer to God than ever and brought me into a realm of mind power that is amazing and I have learned, the hard way, its just as much as a mental fight as it is a physical one, and satan loves to steal our joy away. Do Not Let Anything steal your joy, not graves, not work, not surgery, not the economy... NOTHING. Remain Vigil in your confidence & know we love ya.


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## stacy80 (Feb 22, 2010)

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time! My heart just goes out to you. Not sure what your final decision was but it sounds like surgery maybe? I personally do not have GD but have thyroid cancer and have undergone surgery to remove my thyroid and RAI as well. I just want you to know the recovery from the surgery is not all that bad regarding pain. I had to have 2 surgeries as they thought the tumor was benign but 2 days later found out it was malignant so 3 days after my first surgery I went in again to remove the rest of my thyroid. It wasn't like I was back to normal in a day but by the end of the first week I was feeling pretty good and I was out and about.

Also I saw that you are wanting to try and have kids and you will have to wait a year to try and conceive if you do the RAI just in case the doctor didn't tell you. I know the radiology center asked me several times if we would be trying to conceive in the next year and told me if we wanted to that we would have to wait.

Anyways...whatever your decision is please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Your posts just broke my heart because even though I do not have GD I can totally identify with how it stinks to be so consumed by all this thyroid stuff. It is not fun and definitely not easy. Hang in there!


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